Don’t call me CIS
Anyone familiar with people in a 12-step program will know that attendees/participants will often refer to people who don’t have a substance abuse problem as “normies.” This probably started out as a sweet, well-intentioned point of reference. Like, “My girlfriend can have a drink with dinner — she’s a normie.” Most of the time, “normie” (an epithet for normal) is used in that innocuous way. But occasionally, the term is laced with spite and resentment. There’s an underlying tone of, “F*cking normie — what do you know about hard living?”
Unfortunately, the same thing is happening with the term “cis,” short for cisgender, which is described often as the opposite of transgender. In other words, a person who was born biologically female, and identifies as a female; ditto for biological males who identify as males. Easy peasy. It’s a legitimate word that isn’t, on its face, a slur.
And yet there’s an assh*le fringe using the term as a pejorative, and that’s not f*cking on.
Now, I’m very aware that as a white, able-bodied, heterosexual male, I’m brimming with privilege. I’m aware that, were I to fail at life, I’d have nobody to blame but myself. That’s ok — I’m happy to walk forward with that responsibility. I’m also aware that, as a non-racist, non-homophobic, non-sexist, non-xenophobic (etc.) dude, I needn’t walk the Earth in a state of persistent apology.
Now, to be clear, I’m not using this as a forum to cry “heterophobia.” That would be ludicrous. I’m not even sure there is such a thing — certainly not in a “widespread problem” sort of way (much as racism is rooted in privilege and so the much-touted reverse-racism is a myth). But the term “cis” seems to have replaced (or at least have been placed alongside) that old fave “breeders” as the hetero insult of choice.
First of all, you don’t f*cking know me. For all you know, I could be struggling with internal conflict, deftly hiding it from the outside world, wondering when the right time is to tell my family that my life is about to radically change. I’m not, but the dude in a bar crying “cis” doesn’t know that. Perhaps more relevant, that same person might not know that I despise gender and sexuality-related pejoratives with a passion that borders the absurd.
Is calling me “cis” the same as me crying out the “f” word at a gay guy? Hell no — it’s not even close. That would be the equivalent of a white guy dropping the “n” bomb after being called “honky” or “white-bread.” Not. The. Same.
But that doesn’t make the spite with which it’s being uttered any less ass-holey. I’m a person, you’re a person, we’re all people. Not to get all hippy-dippy, “Kumbaya” ’round the fire on your asses, but how about we all stick with that and leave the nonsensical insults to the people who don’t know any better?
I am a gay GUY. Not a “cis” guy – which could be also slang for “cissy”. I’m a GUY. If you’re a transman, well, that’s your identity. But I have always identified with the gender I was born with and that is pretty much how the majority of XY chromosomed dudes feel.
great post. I’m a gay man and I HATE the term cis. Trans people are to be respected but they are in the minority. I’m a biological man and I don’t identify with “cis”. It sounds like an STD. Respect works both ways.
I’m a gay male. I self-identify both my sex (genitals and secondary sexual characteristics) and gender (how I feel about my place in my culture as someone of my sex) as male. Over the last 30+ years, I have watched the gay & lesbian community become more inclusive to many groups. When I met trans people, I felt it important to recognize that this person is the sex he/she presents. To me, the MTF is a woman, not a trans-woman. Isn’t the goal of sex reassignment, transitioning, about becoming the “other” that the person felt SHE (given my example) was meant to be? The term trans (or tranny back in the day) seemed like a type of limbo for people that no matter how they feel or the changes they make to their bodies, they would remain outsiders, different, and even “freaks.”
Ultimately, whether the topic is gender, sexual orientation, race, or ethnicity, we all try to conceptualize what we see: a “black” person isn’t *black* nor is a “white” person *white*, but they are terms we use to conceptualize what we see. Not every black person self-identifies with African heritage and not everyone white is from the Caucasus Mountains of Europe. My point… as long as the MEANING, the INTENT isn’t belligerent, give the person a break and just POLITELY let the person know whatever self-identification conflicted with their perception.
I do not what to be called “cis.” I am a male, and that’s my self-identity. If a trans person presents stereotypical masculine features (facial and body hair) and affectations (“men’s” clothes and shoes) but takes offense to being called a male, then I would question the true motive for the transition… after all, when did being called male become offensive?