Ask the Sexpert: Your payoff from the money shot

Dear Shanna,

I’m with a new guy, and almost everything is going well – good chemistry, we like hanging out, and the sex is unbelievable – but he seems to be obsessed with this whole idea of the “cum shot.” Right before he climaxes, he pulls out and wants to orgasm on my back or chest. What gives?

Tired of Target Practice in Eaton

Hey Tired of Target Practice,

I feel you. It seems like all of society has developed an obsession around this idea of the cum shot, even though it was developed specifically for (mostly heterosexual) porn – to “prove” a man is getting off by literally showing it to viewers, in graphic detail, all over his partner.

Despite these fairly niche beginnings, it seems as though the cum shot permeates all types of sex, queer, straight, gay and everything else. While I’m not knocking anyone who enjoys a nice facial or pearl necklace, I have to wonder how much of it is natural enjoyment of that act, and how much of it is what people are socialized to expect.

How do you feel about him pulling out to climax on you? If you like it, then mazel tov. If you’re ambivalent, then maybe sit down to talk (not during or right after sex – aim for a more neutral time). Maybe he does it because he thinks he’s supposed to, or because an ex-partner preferred it. On the other hand, maybe it really gets him off. Having more insight into his intentions might help you resolve how you feel about it.

And if you hate it? Let him know! It’s OK to say that it doesn’t turn you on, or that you’d find it much sexier if he climaxes inside you, a towel or a condom. Figure out a happy medium that works best for both of you, and continue to enjoy the steamy and hot sex you have going on.

As a side note, some people have found that the pH of some semen can irritate their skin. If you like the feeling but it irritates your skin, wipe it off quickly, or use hydrocortisone cream or scent–free lotion on the afflicted area.

Shanna

Have a question you’d like to ask Shanna (anonymously)? Email shanna@outfrontonline.com