What makes you queer?

It’s hard to define the word ‘queer.’ For different people, it means different things. For example, the word could mean …

• strange; odd.

• an alternative that some people use to “queer” the idea of the labels and categories such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, etc.

• an in-group term, and a word that can be considered offensive to some people, depending on their generation, geographic location, and relationship with the word.

• re-claimed umbrella term used to describe the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender/Transsexual and general non-heterosexual communities. Queer is the opposite of Straight.

Clearly, there isn’t a clear definition of what queer means. All of these definitions, scrounged up by a quick internet search, are valid. To me, queer can mean whatever you want it to mean. But there has been a significant change in the word over time. At first, it was derogatory to make LGBT people feel less than heterosexual people. And for a long time, I took offense to it. I would cringe as a child when the neighborhood boys would ask me to play “smear the queer,” a fun football pastime where everyone tackles the person with the football.

But as I grew up, so did the word. It became an umbrella term for all things ‘abnormal.’ We took back the word and made something empowering, and inclusive. And for a while it stuck. But now, as I’ve learned through social situations, one on one conversations, and through my experiences online, the word has taken an ugly turn. People who identify as queer are no longer seen as accepting, but exclusive.

To identify as queer does not give you the right to look down on other people. The queen that throws on a cheap, or expensive, wig and brings the house down with her lipsync to a Destiny’s Child mashup is allowed to be queer. The woman who mostly dates men, but identifies as bisexual is allowed to be queer. The man in the football jersey at the bar, who only is attracted to masculine men is allowed to be queer. A straight trans woman is allowed to be queer. Anyone is allowed to be queer, but slapping the word to your identity doesn’t make you better than someone who simply identifies as a gay, or lesbian, or trans, or bi. As soon as ‘queers’ start belittling those that don’t identify as queer the entire community suffers.

I am a gay man. I am strange. I am accepting of all. I am queer. I’m not better than anyone else.