What does the Future Hold? 2025 Predictions

Hi queers. It’s 2025, and I want to congratulate you. We did it. We officially made it through another year. With 2024 now fully in the rearview mirror, can I just say that shit was truly wild? One minute it was peak brat summer; we were all drinking Aperol spritzes, dressed in hideous shades of lime green, and absolutely loving life, and the next thing you know we are prepping our queer doomsday bunkers with vials of HRT, our domestic partnership papers, and every season of The L Word on DVD just in case things get apocalyptic under another four years of Trump. Jesus, take the wheel!

However, if there is one thing I’ve learned in the past few months, it is that we can’t let one sad little man take our power away from us. We have always taken care of each other. We need to band together now more than ever to build the future that we all deserve. The power of manifestation is real. So here I am with my crystal ball offering you some slightly delusional and shamelessly optimistic predictions for what we can expect from 2025.

A List of Predictions for 2025:

• Chappell Roan will drop her next album, and it will turn at least 30% of all women gay.
• Print magazine will make a comeback as AI continues to strip the digital landscape of meaningful content.
• Going to church will become cool again (shout Unitarian Universalists) as the left seeks spiritual guidance during these dark and trying times.
• Call-out culture will slowly begin to die as people begin to listen closely to the wise lyrics of Natasha Bedingfield again and embrace the Live Laugh Love mentality of the late 2000s.
• Beyoncé will finally win Album of the Year for Cowboy Carter.
• More queer people will get married than ever before.
• Advances in technology will finally give us the invention we’ve been waiting for: a strap-on dildo that stimulates the wearer.
• Social media will become cringy.
• Texting your friends back will be cool again.
• Quirky hipster fashion will come back in full force. I’m talking thick-rimmed glasses, lumberjack flannels, sundresses, suspenders, fedoras, Holga cameras, messenger bags, and ukuleles.
• Bisexual men will have their moment.
• Gen Alpha will begin to troll Gen Z for things they could never imagine.
• Pegging will become a normal sexual practice as straight men no longer fear their buttholes.
• Baby names like “Bob” and “Michael” and “Brenda” and “Angela” will gain popularity as the competition for who can come up with the most unique baby name starts to seem just a tad ridiculous.
• An Etsy shop will sell out of their “I Survived a Polycule and All I Got Was This Dumb T-shirt” merchandise.
• We will become more adept at holding multiple truths at once as we build a broad, diverse, multiracial coalition that has the power to transform the world as we know it.
• Flash mobs.
• Baggy jeans will fade as skinny jeans make a comeback (We’ve reached peak bagginess y’all, you can’t get any baggier, the only direction to go is inward).
• Everyone in tech will quit their job and go to trade school.
• All of the witches across the globe will cast a protection spell for every trans and gender nonconforming person on this planet.
• Charli XCX will do whatever the hell she wants, and we will eat it up.
• We will all stop lurking on our ex’s Instagram.
• Theater kids will finally get the respect they deserve.
• Soccer will finally be cool in the U.S. now that everyone is wearing Adidas and jerseys.
• More people will turn to grassroots organizing as they begin to understand that the two-party political system is failing us all, and we need to get involved in our local communities and figure out how to collectively care for each other again.
• All the queerbaiters will actually come out of the closet.
• Camcorders will make a comeback.
• More gay people will move to smaller and mid-sized cities.
• People will stop hating on Horse Girls (She is just a simple gal who is passionate about horses. She need not be an equestrian princess whose heart beats for the adrenaline of jumping or galloping to be a horse girl, she may just love the feeling of being near horses).
• Reading that book on your shelf will be IN.
• Doom-scrolling will be OUT.
• Everyone you know will have a Substack (even your mom).
• Every celebrity femme goddess will have a twinky boyfriend with a little mustache.
• Straight people will stop being so weird about everything all the time and learn to have a little fun like we LGBTs do.