This is what QUEER MARRIAGE looks like: Tom Long and Dennis Gosnell

After eight years together in 2011, Tom Long and Dennis Gosnell decided the time was finally right to create a lifelong commitment. They welcomed me into their beautifully–appointed home to tell the story.

Robyn Vie-Carpenter: How did you meet, move to Colorado and get married?

Dennis Gosnell: [looking at Tom] You want to do the first half and I’ll do the second half? [laughs]

Tom Long: Well, we met at a club in L.A. and liked each other pretty much right away. That was January 2, 2004. I was living in Santa Fe. He had just moved from Orange County up to West Hollywood. And on Valentine’s Day, I think it was probably the third time I’d seen him, I told him I was in love. He said, “OK, why don’t I come live in Santa Fe?”

DG: I was transitioning with work and life. When you meet somebody and you feel like this might be it, and you’re very loose in life – why not?

RVC: It’s like you came to West Hollywood just to meet Tom.

DG: I know! It’s pretty much how it is.

TL: So we lived two great years in Santa Fe and then I said we can move wherever you want. So we moved back to West Hollywood.

RVC: That was around 2006?

TL: Yep, in 2006 we moved to West Hollywood.

DG: Tom’s house was still on the market [in Santa Fe]. It didn’t sell while we were in Los Angeles. We were paying rent in Los Angeles and a mortgage in Santa Fe. So in ’07…

TL: …it still hadn’t sold.

DG: We packed up everything headed back to Santa Fe…

TL: …And the house sold that weekend.

RVC: Are you kidding?

TL: No! The day of our going away party we got an offer on the house. That was a Saturday and by Monday it was under contract.

DG: So we didn’t have any place to live. I had taken three–month leave of absence from work, so we took a trip across the country.

DG: We saw his family. We spent like seven weeks on the road. We went through like 32 states. We were free. We ended up back in Los Angeles in early September and lived there one more year. But Los Angeles wasn’t working. We knew we didn’t want Santa Fe. What city fits between with enough of everything to make us happy? We landed in Denver, and we’ve been here four years now.

RVC: Why’d you decide to get married? Who proposed?

DG: I think it was pretty mutual. I had wanted to get married when we lived in California before Prop 8. Tom wasn’t about it 100 percent.

TL: It doesn’t count until the federal government recognizes it. But, after a couple of years I regretted that decision. I was like, you know, we should get married. It just happened that in 2011 we went to New York for Pride and landed on the day that the State of New York passed gay marriage. It was a big deal. Our friend lives in Chelsea, so we walked down to The Stonewall Inn…

TL: It was a great moment.

DG: It was wonderful.

TL: We were right there, kind of where it all started…

DG: …So we decided to come back the next year and get married. We invited friends and said, if you can make it, great, but it’s very informal. We understand it can cost a lot of money and didn’t want to put that on our friends and family.

TL: We got married at City Hall. We went down, got our license, went back the next day. [to Dennis] Did we ride the subway?

DG: Yeah we rode the subway down.

RVC: I love it!

TL: We had about 20 people there

DG: Family on both sides made it.

TL: Two of my sisters…

DG: …And my brother, two friends from Colorado, one from New Mexico and others from California. And we had friends in New York who came. One of the great stories that day: We checked in, it’s Friday, you know, it’s going to be an hour or two, it’s Pride Weekend. So we’re like, OK, we’re all together, let’s go get a drink. At about 2:10 or 2:15, BA-BOOM! It starts pouring. It’s a deluge, and we’re about a quarter mile away, and it kept going and going! And you know, the girls were in dresses. Everyone was dressed up.

RVC: Right, everyone’s looking pretty.

DG: Exactly. But, we’re like, we can’t wait any longer, we have to get back or we’re going to lose our spot. So we’re like [shrugs], you know? So, we went running into the streets, puddles, soaked. We heard later that rain on your wedding day is good luck.

TL: And then it was sunny and we had a really great afternoon – and it was Pride.

RVC: Like a giant gay wedding reception. Does it feel different?

TL: Being married? [long pause] Yes. Not being married, but getting to that point necessitated conversations that you might not have had with just “the boyfriend.” It’s like, we can get married but you have to commit that you’ll stay with me for the rest of our lives.

DG: Yes!

TL: Because you know, we don’t have to get married, we can keep doing this. But, if we’re going to get married, we have to talk about things. I think it did change things.  I don’t know in what way. [looking at Dennis] I couldn’t love you more.

DG: Same.

TL: But you’re my husband. It’s like every time you look at him, it’s just a little bit different.

DG: I think it reaffirms and solidifies, in my head and heart. And now we’ve got a piece of paper, yes, and government etcetera. I know that I’m going to be with Tom for the rest of my life – it was just a matter of sealing the deal.