The gossip about gossip

My father is a gossip.

Although he encompasses dad-like qualities with a stern voice and disapproving shakes of the head, he is all up in everyone’s business.
He has to find out what’s happening at his old job, or what’s happened to people that he never really liked. He then calls his friends to talk about it further. This irritates my mother, who is not a gossip. She insists that women are always accused of being gossips, but is convinced that it is men who are the real culprits.

I think it’s probably about equal. And in the LGBT community, gossip is at every turn. Because we make up a smaller portion of the population, everyone is in everyone’s business.

I would not consider myself a gossip.

Generally if I’m telling a story it’s about me. However, sometimes in the telling, I’m revealing things about someone else’s life. So it kind of feels like gossip because now you know something about someone else’s life that they might not have revealed about themselves.

It’s a conundrum.

A couple of weeks ago a friend said to me, “Gossip is to lesbians what sex is to gay men.”

I take this to mean gossip (or sex) is an everyday occurrence that is just another form of communication. They can both be a lot of fun if they happen in the right context. It seems that the depth of feeling between both parties (during the “gossip” or “sex”) is the final indication of whether or not true damage has been done.

I have recently started thinking about where gossip really proliferates. It seems as though parties are the most common place. Often people that aren’t normally in the same room with one another find themselves as guests at the same party, and the opportunity to talk about one another presents itself.

It happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I was at a party standing with a couple of buddies of mine when another woman I knew walked up to say hello. After we exchanged the normal greetings and she left, one of my friends turned to me and told me so-called “scandalous” things about this woman.

First, I already knew the “scandal” and second, when I told my buddies my take on the situation, they suddenly had nothing more to say. Even though I proved my gossip friend wrong, the judgment in her voice left a bad taste in my mouth.

Another place you’ll regularly find gossip is a watering hole with no dance floor. If women are dancing then they are less concerned with talking about people. I have sat at many a bar and listened to many a conversation about what’s going on in other people’s lives, wishing someone would just play “Dancing Queen.” But, by the next turn in conversation, the damage has been done.

And then there is Facebook – the social tool that acts as a double-edged sword. Facebook is a blessing and a curse. Gossip and rumors spread in a matter of minutes on Facebook. What used to take days now seems instant. Not to mention if you are (unfortunately) included in the original message stream, your mailbox is filled with everyone’s responses.

It’s the worst.

For some reason even though I officially “don’t care” about the string of conversations, I end up getting dragged into the ridiculous argument. It’s awful.

Gossip can be painful and embarrassing. Nobody needs other people meddling in and speculating about their personal business. It’s just cruel.

My question is this: What makes people gossip?

I feel like it’s our version of a soap opera. The drama and thrill of gossip is what keeps it alive.

With so many things happening in the world that we can’t change or really speak to, we become obsessed with reporting the latest in our friend’s lives. Unlike real news which is based on factual events, gossip can be – and often is – made up along the way. The truth is no longer important. But to the person being gossiped about, the little “lies” make a world of difference.

As diverse and disconnected as the LGBT community might feel when we are trying to get people to gather behind a cause, it’s amazing how small it seems to get when it comes to spreading gossip. Total strangers may have details about your personal life. I heard a rumor about myself the other day. It was garbage coming from a person who didn’t even know me.

I know this little diatribe will not stop people from gossiping. Rather, what I hope for is that the next time you find yourself in the position of telling someone else’s story, think twice. You have the power to either engage others in a meaningful conversation or fall into the traps of gossip.

So, have you heard the latest about …