The Butch & the Butterfly

Even though the LGBT community has made great strides in the name of progress, there are still occasional reminders of just how much work we have left to do. What’s more is there’re just as many obstacles to overcome that originated inside of our community, such as the rise of the masculine gay man and the dismissal of the feminine gay man. I’d like to temper this article by stating that I’m not suggesting that all gay men reject our more feminine brothers, simply that there’s most definitely a strong undercurrent of undesirability on online profiles when it comes to feminine gay men. I am stating that this dismissal and curled-lip mentality is a mistake, because our femme friends are much stronger and braver than we give them credit for.

An Act of Rebellion

It’s easy to say and see that macho is in, fresh, hip, happenin’, and poppin’ in the gay community these days. Gay men are hairier, muscular, beard-ier, sportier, and rugged-ier than ever, and anything that smacks of dainty, delicate, or decidedly femme is curb-stomped under the heel of a thick-soled Doc Marten boot. Gay men have fully embraced the raw and unadulterated essence of masculinity and the animalistic sexuality that comes with it. Maybe some of us are turned off by the non-conformity of feminine gay men and their “inability” to step into the new age and come to terms with the fact that they have testosterone coursing through them and should act like it. Or maybe it’s that feminine guys make them feel like they’re dating a woman, which is at odds with their sexuality.

Whatever the reason, feminine gay men who don’t hide their sultry swish, their gender-bending fashion sense, or their sibilant style of speech should be applauded. It takes a great deal of courage to go against the grain in your own community and be who you naturally are without compromise. How many of us are tempted to “butch it up” our online profiles, our manner of dress, our movements, wording? There’s a great risk of rejection and ridicule when you step out into the world, no matter your sexuality or nature. Not only do more feminine gay men have to worry about verbal barbs and judging stares from other gay men, but from the rest of society as well. It takes a person of great emotional and psychological fortitude to be open about his love of musicals, dressing in drag, putting bass in his sashay, and wearing the occasional bit of makeup.

Life-Givers, Light-Bringers

One thing I love most about my femme brothers is the light they often seem to carry with them. Sure there are catty gay men, femme and masculine, but you can’t argue the fact that spending time with a feminine gay man is bound to bring more than a few smiles to your face. Their style of dress, their phrasings, their joie de vivre, their unbridled freedom; it’s like a breath of fresh air. Again, this isn’t to say that masculine gay men don’t bring the same dishes to the table, simply that they use seasonings that have a decidedly different flavor, spicy instead of sweet.

Before automatically passing on that feminine gay guy who hits you up on Scruff, Grindr, or at the bar, leave the door open for companionship and friendship. If there’s one thing True Blood’s Lafayette Reynolds taught us, it’s that there’s great strength pouring from the more genderfluid side of the rainbow.