Stealing, Kicking, and Fapping His Way to Ecstasy

Colorado State student Stefan Sortland got a little more than he bargained for when he took a hit of ecstasy at a Halloween party. According to 7News Denver, the student stole an ambulance and crashed it into a median somewhere along Highway 34. Police report spotting Sortland standing 30 yards away in an EMT vest, and they shot him with a stun gun after he was noncompliant with police requests.

Police reports state Sortland was disoriented and was able to admit stealing the ambulance but was confused by “lights flashing on the cars.” Sortland was taken into custody to the Loveland Police Department, where further hijinks ensued. Sortland is quoted saying his “friends/roommates were dead, in heaven, and had committed suicide.”

According to police reports, when in custody, Sortland “stood on a bench, kicked the wall, and masturbated.”

Sounds like a Halloween many people won’t forget.