Parenting: Grieving the Connecticut school shooting

Sadness. Anger. Confusion. Anxiety. When is this going to stop? Should I go get my children now or let them stay? What do tell them? All these emotions and questions chased my thoughts as I learned news of the tragedy in Connecticut. Then a call came thorough on my cell phone from the kids’ school district alerting parents that there is heightened security at all schools in response to the incident in Connecticut.

As I followed updates on my Facebook page and news websites, I couldn’t help but wonder what am I going to tell my children this time when they get home from school.  They are still mourning the loss of a classmate’s mother from the tragedy in the Aurora shooting. Do I keep them out of school? Do I start going to school with them? What do I do?

As my little ones came home from school, they busted through the door with so much to say about their day. Who hit who. What the teacher did or didn’t do. How fun a particular class was or was not. All I could do was fall to my knees, look them in the eyes and smile. Not because they were full of conversation, but because they walked through the door to tell me all of these things. This didn’t happen for some parents. Yet, another tragedy hits before we can even fully grieve the previous tragedy.  All the senseless violence is taking a toll in my house. The explanations to provide comfort are no longer working. The reassurance that they will return home to their complete family is no longer convincing. Preparing them for death, living life to the fullest and living in the moment seems to be a regular conversation now. Is this the new norm for families? It seems to be in my house.

When all of my children got home from school I sat them down and asked if they heard about the tragic event that took place at the elementary school out of state. They heard bits and pieces so I went on to share what happened.  I didn’t go into details, but I did let them know that this was not a random act of violence. This decreased the fear in them of returning to school. We talked about our individual roles and treatment towards our peers, siblings and one another. We reiterated the importance of living and loving in the moment and whispered a prayer for everyone affected by this senseless tragedy. I saw the blank stares beginning to across their faces so I knew they were shutting down. I ended the conversation by letting them know that I was available to them ANYTIME for questions or to just sit in their presence.

As a grieving parent supporting grieving children, I understand that this is going to be a process that we can’t avoid, but it doesn’t have to be done alone. My children and I have decided to reach out to the grieving families in Connecticut with handmade cards and love notes expressing our condolences. We are a grieving nation and it’s important to grieve as a community, heal as a family and forgive as loving energy.

As you go about your day, hug your babies a little tighter, hold them a little longer and tell them that you love them more often. Consider doing a random act of kindness for a stranger and remember, we are all in this together.