Looking for Princess Charming

Gia

I was about 10 years old when I realized that all the hype about Prince Charming was somehow mediocre in my eyes. I was more curious about the fact that my heart was pounding every time I sat next to that beautiful girl in my science class.

The secret to making it to the “it gets better” part of our lives is to first believe it gets better.

After that, the foundation is set. Every hateful word, every attack on our lives, every brick thrown at us, it will all be just another building block into an amazing life we have been fighting to create, a life that’s 100 percent true to who you are. No matter your race. No matter your gender identity. No matter where you live in the world. No matter who you love.

I had no idea what sexuality was. I didn’t know all the troubles that lay ahead of me. I remember telling my mother I was bisexual in my early teens. I was in no way bisexual, but I craved acceptance, and I thought that as long as I included men in the equation, I would be successful at obtaining that acceptance.

I would spend the next eight years of my life in that role, dating men and women while having only my closest friends knowing that I wasn’t being completely honest with myself. By my early 20s, most people in my life assumed that my sexuality was widely known and accepted. What they didn’t know were the attempted suicides, or all the anxiety and depression I suffered due to years of being made to believe I had a disease.

I felt trapped in an endless cycle of toxicity that was always on the hunt for someone else to infect with hate and negativity.

Don’t get me wrong; I had incredible friends who picked me up off the floor every time. I had my grandma who, at one point, was actually blamed for me being lesbian, as if it were a crime. But she simply saw what no one else could at that time. She saw me for who I was and not who others wanted me to be. She had a deeper understanding of life, and of love, an understanding it would take me years to finally grasp. Love is love. And when you really love someone else, how can that be wrong? In the eyes of another person, or even any god?

That understanding kept me balanced.

Without those amazing humans, I don’t think I’d be writing this message today. I’m still learning how to navigate my life in the direction I want it to go, growing in my relationships and embracing my sexuality.

I made it. I’m happy. I’m absolutely grateful for everything I went through. But I’m not the only one who experienced that roller coaster ride. I’m just one of the lucky ones who was able to make it to the “it gets better” part of my life. It does get better. Some of us just fall through the cracks. That’s why it’s important to remember that what matters most for humanity is love. Kindness. Understanding. Patience. Compassion.

We have felt it all. Some of us are still feeling it today. Remember that I love you, and so does your community. If you need more help remembering those things because you are not convinced you are worthy of love, or that you don’t deserve happiness and the freedom to love, then call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255.

You deserve to be here. It gets better.

Love always,

That lesbian chick next door