Jasmine Christine Ford: Learning to Fly by Helping Others

According to Jasmine Christine Ford, a 49-year-old Black, trans woman, it is a miracle that she is alive.

In her debut novel, Flight of the Beautiful Lie: A Memoir, Ford uncovers layers of repressed memories of early childhood abandonment, chronic sexual abuse at the hands of a relative, and the embroiled internal battle between homosexuality, transgenderism, and her Christian faith.  She communicates how trauma and conflict of identity contributed to massive amounts of cosmetic surgery, black market silicone injections, sex work, depression, and attempted suicide.

Fortunately, thanks to the help of loving people and Ford’s spiritual beliefs, she changed the trajectory of her life and now works at a HIV nonprofit organization in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Through helping others in need, Ford learned how to fly. By bearing her life experiences in a tell-all book, she believes that everyone, regardless of their race, sexual orientation, gender identity, or background, can overcome life’s challenges.

Ford took some time to chat more about the book and her personal struggles with OFM.

How exciting is it to release your debut book and tell your story?
It is very exciting on more than one level, because I have been through a lot of challenges. I have been through a lot of trauma, disappointment, and self-preservation. Now, being able to come forward in my life, I am 49 years old, I think I have lived long enough and learned enough lessons to have this conversation about myself in a very transparent way.

What inspired you to write Flight of the Beautiful Lie: A Memoir?
The grace of God, and let me explain that. I am very spiritual. I am Baptist, and I am very involved in the church. That has been a conflict in my heart and my spirit. Before I identified as trans, I thought I was just gay. I did not have any words for what I was feeling. I thought, if you felt like a girl, then you were gay. This is going back to the 70s before the internet and before we began to explore what gender and sexuality truly was. I just assumed that because I liked guys and I wanted to be a girl, that must be what gay is.

Later on, I was dating as a male, and that was fulfilling, but I did not feel whole. I felt like there was a very large piece missing. I wanted to be a female and not just have a feminine sex role. I wanted to be physically female. I felt like I was not whole. So, I wrote this book because it would have been selfish of me to have learned these life lessons and not want to reach back and teach and tell my story so other trans women can learn and listen. The same with other LGBTQ-identified people, and people who are heterosexual. My story touches on many different issues, not just trans issues. My story can speak to children who are being sexually abused. My story speaks to kids who have a father who is a pedophile and a mother who is schizophrenic. That is some serious stuff, and what that child has to go through to navigate that kind of household.

My story speaks to people who are transitioning, people who believe in God but think because of their sexuality, there is no space in the church for them. My story speaks to overcomers, someone who went into the sex industry for many years. We are talking about 30 years. That’s a career. That is a job. Navigating that kind of lifestyle. Luckily by the grace of God, I got out of it disease- and drug-free. That is a blessing because statistically, I should not be here. I beat the odds. I am African American; I am transgender, and we know the numbers about my population. We succumb to violence more often than our other race peers. We succumb to drug addiction, which leads to HIV diagnoses. We succumb to a lot of other things at a very early age.

What really took my heart and made me write this book was, I did not do everything right because I was educated, and I was still a prostitute. I am college educated, and I am getting my master’s in public health. I have been a nurse for about 20 years. That tells me that there was some unresolved trauma there because you don’t really choose to be a call girl while you are a nurse. Technically, sex work is considered survival work. So, there were some unresolved issues that I was dealing with for a very long time. I’m thinking, I am not on drugs, I don’t drink, therefore, I must be OK. But I was hurting. I was bitter and angry. Escorting was just a lifestyle that beat me down.

For me to come full circle, it took other people in my community to reach out and say, girlfriend, you are damaged. You may have that look going on; you may have that body going on; you may even have a degree, but we love you, and we are here to help you.

What is the number-one message you hope readers take away from the book?
I hope that readers take away from the book that no matter where you are in life, change is possible, regardless of your sexual orientation or social economic situation. Change is possible, but it is hard, too. In my book, I describe all my challenges, but if you want change bad enough, it is obtainable, regardless of what your issues were. Whether it was sex work, drug addiction, whatever your background is, change and happiness is possible. I am a living testimony.

What was the writing process like for you, and was it difficult to revisit these heavy subjects and repressed memories?
Absolutely. The memories were so repressed, I thought I was OK. I was surviving, but not thriving. I was just living through my trauma. I did not address it; I repressed it in my mind.  I was raped, but I am not dead. Therefore, I must be OK. I thought I was okay, but I turned all that inward because I was self-loathing and self-hating.

I spent around $180,000 on a bunch of yo-yo surgeries. I had three nose jobs, two chin jobs, a partial facelift, four boob jobs—the body dysmorphia was so real. Earning money sexually to have a surgery, coming out of that surgery, hating the results, then going back out as an escort to get money for new surgeries. That cycle went on for 30 years. I decided to break that cycle because I learned that my worth and my value is not, what I call in my book, a shape or a sway.

Was it also therapeutic to write everything out?
Very. I was keeping myself up late at night in tears, sometimes laughing, because I was revisiting the strong Black women in my family who have passed on and their advice to me. Those memories brought comfort and joy, and sometimes pain. I do take readers on this emotional roller coaster with me. My writing style is very expressive, and I am very transparent. I do not discuss lewd activity, because that is not the point. I describe certain situations in my business that I learned from that put me in danger. I do not speak lewdly about anything that I have done. That is not why I am here. So, yes, this was a very happy, sad, and cathartic process.

You mentioned that you are very spiritual and involved in church. After everything that happened to you, how did you not lose your religious faith?
That is a good question. I discuss this in chapter seven. My Baptist faith was a tradition given to me when I was a little kid, around four years old, but I had a personal encounter when I was 14 years old. I was in church, and I swear that I had an encounter with what is the Holy Spirit, and it changed me. I was on cloud nine because I had an encounter with the guy who created all.

The next Sunday, I heard a pastor say that faggots go to Hell. In church, he used the F-word and everything. So, there was this conflict. I felt something real, but you are telling me that what I feel is not real. This was a constant struggle for me throughout my entire life, so I had to fight. I resolved this by getting to know God for myself. Men and churches have their ow,n fleshy way of dealing with faith. They are prejudiced, bigoted, and they hurt people. I had to be mindful that I love God, but that guy standing at the pulpit is describing a God that is not from the Bible. I had to really seek out God for myself, and that is how I rectified that.

Plus, I saw God through my situations. I was seeing how he would protect me, because there is no way, statistically, I could be in that kind of business for 30 years, zigzagging across the county like a yoyo, having sex with maybe 2,000 people, and not catching a common cold or succumbing to violence. That is impossible. I choose to believe that there was something greater than me at work.

What advice can you offer to those who are struggling with similar situations?
My biggest advice to anyone dealing with this same situation is to always seek out with a family, or your creative family for support. We create our own family because not all of us are accepted by our family. Create a family that is going to love and support you, and quickly get help. If you are thinking about suicide, I had some very severe thoughts about suicide, I got help. I had a cousin who went with me to a psychiatrist for assistance. I needed help.

Also, always believe in yourself. I know that is a difficult concept, because being a part of the LGBTQ community, it is hard to salvage self-esteem because the world does not necessarily value you, at least trans women and trans women of color. You are devalued, and because you are devalued, your behavior begins to mimic what society projects onto you. You must fight that with every fiber of your being and seek out help.

You said that you are a nurse, but you also work with a HIV nonprofit in Fredericksburg, Virginia. Can you tell us more about that?
I initially took a position in August 2016 at Fredericksburg Area HIV/AIDS Support Services (FAHASS) in Virginia, as a medical case manager (MCM). My job was to provide linkage to medical resources. FAHASS has a service area that spans 10 counties and the City of Fredericksburg. Because I received strong support and mentorship by my employer, an organization whose staff reflect the diversity of the population it serves, over a few years, I was encouraged to expand my knowledge base in the areas of federal grant writing, prepping for leadership, and certification in education in transgender issues. I was then promoted to assistant programs manager in June 2020. I assumed the role of programs manager six months later.

I manage care and prevention in this new role, which includes medical case manager, non-medical case management, mental health, medical transportation, psychosocial, early intervention, peer support program, and prevention and testing. Testing includes take-home HIV tests, in-office testing, hepatitis C testing, and syphilis testing. My job is to ensure that programmatic deliverables are achieved on time and within budget. I also will explore every opportunity to increase or expand programs while observing our organization’s mission, to improve individual and community health.

Before we wrap up, is there anything else you would like to mention our plug?
I am a poet as well. In my book, I have about 17 poems that actually explain some of the chapters that you are reading. The poem first, then the story behind the poem. I also have a CD of spoken word poetry of the same name, Flight of the Beautiful Lie: The LP. I have come full circle, and I am so happy.

Stay connected with Ford by following her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube. Flight of the Beautiful Lie: A Memoir is available to order through Amazon, Books-A-Million, and Barnes and Noble.

Photos Courtesy of Jasmine Christine Ford and Pete Cihelka