HeinzeSight: Top 10 subversive gay behaviors

We all get used to the status-quo, and at times we don’t think about how negative attitudes and behaviors can affect us. There are times where I feel that I am surrounded by people spewing grumpy, judgmental, mean-spirited, and soul-sucking crap from their mouths. It can be exhausting for me to hear and can absolutely impact my attempts to maintain a positive attitude sometimes. Let’s play the “I spy with my little eye” game with these. Try to keep score this week and see how many of these you can identify from yourself and others around you.

10. Getting off is more important than friendship. Sport sex can be fun, but you could develop a friendship before or after you go for the gold. Many of us hunt for the ultimate sexual experience, but friendships can be longer-lasting and more durable.

9. Forgetting common courtesy. If someone says hello in passing or online, you could return the greeting. There is very little energy expenditure and you may meet an interesting person. It is surprising that some choose to be more impolite to people in their own communities than to a stranger. Where’s the value of “thank you?”

8. Being psychic. Be careful in thinking that people always fit a pre-conceived mold or that you already know how an interaction will progress. You may think someone looks or will act like a douchebag or couldn’t possibly engage you in meaningful conversation, but you can’t be sure. Don’t let your imagination stop you from a potentially great connection.

7. Putting others down. This is usually done for their own benefit to soothe a fragile ego or poor self-esteem. Misguided attempts to gain a sense of power at the expense of others is a waste of energy that could be spent on other fruitful activities.

6. Life is full of the inevitable. Nothing is written in stone and almost everything is impacted by our efforts. Don’t let the idea of fate dictate our choices.

5. Talking shit behind people’s backs. I’m not one to gossip, so you didn’t hear this from me. OK, we can all be bitchy at times, but getting the reputation for being two-faced does not help in gaining trust or friendship of anyone except those who might be talking about you behind your back.

4. Laziness. If you don’t like a situation, your surroundings, or yourself, then do something to improve it. Get off your booty!

3. Inauthenticity. It can be a struggle to figure out who you are and what you believe. It is equally as important to figure out what really gets you off, makes you fulfilled, and internal qualities that make you unique and confident. Ask yourself, “Is it more important to look or be good?” Stop worrying about maintaining an image to be accepted.

2. Being defined by tragedy. Many of us have gone through difficult times, but some define themselves by trauma. Looking like a wounded bird, self-loathing attitudes, or telling the same drama-filled story over and over to anyone who will listen, only reinforces ideas that they are a bummer to be around.

1. Not dealing with the past. Many spend their lives trying to heal emotional pain they have experienced. Fear of rejection, abuse, and isolation can cause deep-rooted scars within us. No matter how much you build your armor on the outside, if you don’t strengthen the inside, you are only covering up a sad and insecure person.