HEINZESIGHT: Your Inner Gay Kid

Have you ever wondered why you’re really not happy with yourself or in relationships? Have you tried to improve your life, but still struggle with feeling unfulfilled? Maybe you haven’t been as successful as possible because of something inside of you. That particular element may be the little gay kid that lives inside of us, who may hold some vital information for us. We just have to ask what’s going on so we can learn from him.

This symbolic little one has influence over how we deal with our environment. Think about feelings we develop growing up gay and how it influences our inner gay kid. He may feel strong and confident at times, but also often experiences intense struggles and strife. In many ways, these more negative emotions may create painful memories and powerful feelings of fear. As children, many of us experience the terror of a monster under our bed, in a closet, or lurking outside the bedroom window. If we never challenge our fear, we can continue to be freaked out by the potential to be attacked. It’s often our lack of confidence in facing those things that scare or concern us that causes insecurity and deeply ingrained scars to begin to be formed. When our feelings turn into this terrifying foe, it takes a lot of courage to face it.

For many of us, our journey of accepting ourselves started at a very early age. It may even include many of our earliest memories. Feeling awkward, strange, unaccepted, hurt, or different can develop as we grow up and continue through our lives. This may be due in part to not ever getting over these uncomfortable and difficult feelings growing up. Realizing that we had different sexual attractions than other kids may have started us on a path of having lower self-esteem and concerns that we could be persecuted for our feelings. This may have impacted the ways we deal with other people and situations. Our past can absolutely cause a stranglehold on us presently and impact us in unhealthy and destructive ways.

Think about what could happen when our inner gay kid feels threatened, judged, or pushed to live in a darkened closet. Animosity builds, feelings get hurt, depression sets in, and life can feel hopeless. Eventually, he may give up on things getting better. He might feel left to experience these alone without the assistance and support from others. Because of these struggles, an extremely unhappy individual is created and has the potential to continue to struggle throughout his life.

As we get older, it’s not unusual to struggle with expressing our frustrations and pain through anger, isolation, alcohol, drugs, or searching for personal validation in a variety of ways. We can work on creating a persona that appears to be strong, happy, and indestructible while still feeling sad and empty inside. Some struggle in asking for help or support because they think it will show weakness or vulnerability. Many feel that it’s more important to “look good” than to actually “feel good.” It’s situations like these that may be stopping us from finding long-term happiness or fulfillment in our lives.

Exploring issues that have hurt your inner gay kid in the past is extremely important. Without figuring out what has caused him pain, you cannot support him through the rough healing process. There are wounds that need loving treatment for them to get better. Although some scars may be formed from these injuries, they don’t need to continue causing agony.

Quit ignoring your inner gay kid! Stop wasting time building an image that makes you look big and badass while still feeling insecure and powerless internally. Don’t tell your inner gay kid to “shut up” or that his feelings “don’t matter.” Listen to him and hear what’s really going on so you can feel confident in creating an amazing life in the outside world.