Too Hard … or Not Hard Enough?

I love it when I see people taking time out of their busy schedules to do some hardcore self-reflection. For some, it’s an extremely difficult process that may bring up tons of apprehension, fear, and self-loathing. Others revel in it as a self-improvement aid. The majority find it an exercise of both pleasure and pain. Let’s be honest: It can take a lot of courage, energy, and focus to take a good, hard look at ourselves and the part we’ve played in landing us where we are — both good and bad.

Self-evaluation can happen at many different times and can be very beneficial, but it can also come with its own unique set of pitfalls that can trip us up, bum us out, or make us flee from these realizations, internally screaming in terror and/or hopelessness. For as much as we can look inward using our own intelligence, insight, and experience, we can also call upon highly revered people in our lives to give us feedback and impressions about ourselves we may not be aware of.

Gazing at our true reflection is a great opportunity to assess where we are in our journey and, need be, make course corrections or change our direction entirely. We can figure out the steps we need to maximize opportunities and help us attain our goals. True, it can also be scary — what if we see something we don’t like? One of the biggest concerns in this process is looking at our qualities in an inaccurate way, distorting them with our own perceptions. Are we looking at ourselves in a funhouse mirror or are we getting an honest picture of what’s going on?

At times, we’ve all been hyper-critical in our assessments, either with ourselves, others in our lives, or situations around us. You’ve probably heard the term “dysmorphia,” as it relates to those who struggle with body image issues that may cause anorexia, bulimia, steroid abuse, or worse. The idea can be extended to all who have experienced distorted views of ourselves, the world around us, or our place within it. This inaccurate perception can lead us to make drastic changes, most times due to the debilitating self-esteem issues dysmorphia causes.

On the flip side, arrogance, shit-talking, and putting others down can be a symptom of distorted self-perception. Certain people may struggle with “kickassery dysmorphia” where it appears to them that they’re much more awesome than they really are. Their self-assessment has built an inflated ego that has them acting cocky or mean to others. Most often, this is an act to cover up the fact that they did some self-analysis and discovered they feel like a big wimp and experience a lot of shame about who they are. Creating a false front is sometimes a quicker and easier solution for some than taking the time and effort to figure out why they feel the way they do and how to fix the things they may consider broken.

Regardless of what you find when you look at yourself, think about how these things impact your life. There are things within us that makes our lives full, fun, and enriched, while other things wreak high levels of dysfunction — volatile friendships, toxic relationships, and personal anguish. Take the time and effort to see things accurately when you evaluate yourself, others, or situations. Don’t be afraid to look in the mirror! Done properly, there’s a fine chance you’ll lay eyes on your own beautiful, true self and that’s something each of us deserves.