(Gay) Man’s Best Friend
As a doting lesbian, I’ve been let down for decades by the Idiot Box in my living room. Year after year, TV shows and movies have shoved in my face how far superior the straight-woman/gay-man relationship is compared to every other buddy match. I’m sure you don’t need examples — the evidence is everywhere.
At any rate, let me be the first to call bullsh*t! Gay BFFs, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
We’ll never have sexual tension. Like … ever.
You don’t want me. I don’t want you. (High-five!) Unlike friendships we’ve both had with straight folks, there will never, ever be creepy, hidden, unspoken — or worse: spoken — feelings of attraction. That’s basically everything. We’re like siblings we got to choose!
We’ll never try and hit on one another’s boo.
That scintillating gentleman you brought to my office Christmas party is landing eyes from every other woman in the room but me. And when we all leave together, you can always trust that my laughter at his jokes are genuine. Ditto for when I introduce you to the chick I’ve been trying to make out with since we met — I can totally count on you to never try and make a move when I step outta the room. I love that about us.
We know what it’s like growing up gay.
Remember when we’d wait until your parents were out of town to pop in DVDs of Queer As Folk? Or how you’d come over and pretend that you were the one who was into The L Word when my stepdad walked into the living room? The best! We totally had an alibi in one another because our parents weren’t yet cool with the whole “gay thing.”
We’d avoid weird questions at family visits by “dating.”
Gone were the awkward days of “Who are you seeing?” from Aunt Nancy and Uncle Paul every Thanksgiving. Since we became BFFs, everyone just assumes we’re seeing one another. Even if they knew in their heart of hearts that we were total “gaymoes,” the cessation of those annoying questions was fine by us!
In short, I think our friendships are so often overlooked, and I love that you guys have loved us back for some of the best years of our lives.
