HEINZESIGHT: Fighting Off the Online Fizzle

I have some great times chatting with people using phone apps and other websites where there has been interest in getting to know some of these guys better offline. Unfortunately, meeting up with them often doesn’t go as well as I would like it to go. I don’t understand why people are so different than how they portray themselves online. Are guys being dishonest or do I have unreasonable expectations for when I meet up with them?

Technology allows us the ability to connect with people we normally may not encounter in our daily lives. Many people struggle with how to move online relationships into the real world and what to do with them when they are transferred from cyberspace. Depending on how you use websites and applications to get to know someone, you may be pleasantly or disappointingly surprised when you meet face-to-face. In a perfect world, they will be even more charming and charismatic then they portray online and actually look better than their pictures. Meeting in person would hopefully propel your connection forward instead of killing it. It can be exciting, but there are definitely pros and cons to meeting an online heartthrob.

Think about the general timeline of many online exchanges. Often these conversations begin with some pleasantries after checking out some pictures and hopefully reading their profile information. The chat may go into some fun flirting, talks about what is going on in your lives, and maybe some discussions around getting together to do something. If you really want to get to know about someone, don’t stay focused on discussing surface-level stuff.  Talk about their interests, passions, and other things you think are important to know about someone if you want to really get to know them. Take opportunities to learn about each other.

To get a more accurate impression of someone, you can also use other methods of communication before you meet up. The telephone has been a great tool in reaching out to other people for many years and a variety of video chatting technologies can be used to get visually in front of each other. It allows you to interact in real time instead of experiencing extended breaks in between exchanges. You can better assess how they react in an actual conversation and gain confidence about how your meeting will go.

Be careful about setting too many expectations before you meet.  Sometimes the online fantasy banter using email, texting, or a phone conversation doesn’t translate well when hanging out in person and can’t live up to your fabricated expectations. This can leave us feeling disappointed or that we’ve been lied to. Many of us have fantastic imaginations and may fall prey to creating idealized images in our minds. They may not live up to the reality, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that the situation was bad. Being tantalized is fun and can lead into some great future interactions. Anticipation is a hot way to getting worked up for something. It’s also important to realize that reality and fantasy can be different.

Don’t let your expectations about how your meetings should go stifle your enjoyment of spending time with someone. Although it may be different than you expected, open yourself up to experiencing the interaction without preconceived ideas. A deeper emotional or intellectual connection may happen after spending actual time with someone in ways you didn’t think would happen.