Feeling the need to control

I used to get so frustrated when things didn’t go my way, which was most of the time. Even when I thought through a variety of ways my life could go, most times they just didn’t go as expected. I’d like to think I have control over many parts of my life, but apparently this isn’t the case. It was important for me to take time and figure out the control I actually had.

The concept of control is quite an interesting one to ponder. Some have sat under a tree wondering what they truly have influence over, maybe praying to a deity to provide some insight, or building themselves up with enough assurance to go out and tackle life. Considering that each scenario in our lives is comprised of about a zillion different variables, is there really any doubt why things rarely go how we envision it?

Many of us frequently perceive life to be throwing us curve balls we really weren’t expecting. Situations, things, even people come into our lives that we didn’t see coming. Some of these are welcome, while others have the potential to cause high levels of disturbance in our lives. A few of these may be total shockers that turn out to be a lot of fun, while others may leave us scratching our head thinking WTF? Fortunately or unfortunately, many times we don’t have total control over these types of invasions, but often we have more control than we think.

Life truly is full of surprises. The reality is that we can’t always control when things pop into our lives, but we have the opportunity to engage them, ignore them, or evaluate that were not going to pursue them because it’s not the right time or situation. There are things around us every day that could be beneficial or life-impacting in a variety of ways, but at times we may not see them. It’s important to recognize when great opportunities are smacking us in the face.

Most times, wonderful things do not simply fall into our laps. We have to become aware and see them as something we want to grasp onto to see how it could be good for us. This skill of building awareness through opening our eyes to possibilities can be a tough one to develop, especially for those who feel drawn to only creating concrete situations that meet the image they have in their own minds.

It’s not unusual to experience outcomes that we didn’t foresee since very few of us are Miss Cleo. Rigid expectations are so often met with catastrophic disappointment since most times nothing will ever live up to the fantasy we created in our mind. Many people often struggle with the idea that the only way they can feel comfortable with particular situations is to control them. The idea that we have full control over anything is a misconception that causes our expectations to be out of whack, and our need to control these situations only serves to frustrate and disappoint.

I’ve found that relying on our insight, collaborations with others, positive communication, patience, and creativity can help us cope with life’s unexpected moments. It can help us enter situations with confidence while reducing our rigid need to know outcomes. Although situations may not work out to our full desires or expectations, they can still work out positively. Be careful about designating something as a “failure” that is in reality a success or can be improved on the next time it is attempted. A great realist once said: “If you don’t have any expectations, you won’t be disappointed.”