Don’t Waste my Time

Dear Brent,

I am so sick of all of these websites and smartphone applications that are supposed to help people connect for sex or relationships. I’m tired of wasting my time since I only find people that aren’t looking for real ways to connect. I wasn’t successful before these became popular, and I’m definitely not any closer to finding a boyfriend after using these either. 

I hear these kinds of comments all the time. Some people are extremely successful in getting what they want by using technology, but more times than not, people are faced with long hours of cyber-engagement to get very little in return. High levels of frustration and self-esteem destroying interactions with apparently tragic and toxic people happen often. I often wonder what the difference is between people that enjoy and rely on social networking for hookups, dates, or finding a partner compared to those who are unsuccessful and discouraged about using them.

There are people out there who are more socially successful going out to a bar or another type of gathering where they can look someone in the eyes, flirt a little, and get what they want. For some, using chat sites or GPS-enabled applications gives the opportunity to get to know someone on a less physically direct level, but can still allow them to get to know each other through conversations about their interests and desires. Regardless of the type, networking is used for connecting like-minded people together that share common interests and aspirations. It doesn’t matter if it is a social party, a networking site like Facebook, or a hookup site like Scruff.

I think the answer to many people’s concerns about using these social networking opportunities lies mostly in the way these tools are used. As with many things, there are certain ways that items can be best utilized, as well as acknowledging that there are some out there that appear more skilled at using them. Regardless of what type of networking you use, hopefully you are getting something positive out of it. If you are not, stop and evaluate what could be possible reasons for why it isn’t working and generate some options about how you may want to try to change up your plan.

A hammer is an amazing tool if you are building a house or fixing a fence, but could absolutely be considered detrimental if it is used to attack someone by bashing their skull in when you’re pissed off at them. There are also some out there like myself that aren’t skilled at using a hammer to pound in nails straight or build something that resembles anything functional. In our society, we aren’t so quick to dismiss the hammer as an effective tool just because it can be used for destructive purposes or we aren’t good at using it.

Honestly, you can only have so many conversations using our amazing technology with the combinations of the following phrases: Hey man. What’s up? Grrr. Yo! Sup? Woof. Horny? I’m not convinced that it is the fault of these social networking sites that make these exchanges so frustrating or unfulfilling. It is the fault of the end-users that take these opportunities to connect with some amazing people and squander these by misusing these tools. It is ridiculous to think that it would ever be acceptable to have these types of conversations in person. Don’t settle for it in cyberspace!