Don’t Fear Fear
DEAR BRETT,
I get so freaked out in social situations. Having chats online is a little better, but I still don’t know what to say to people or how to keep a conversation going. My fear of being seen as weird or rejected by someone keeps me from going out and trying to meet people. How can I get over being afraid and start having more fun?
Fear is definitely a normal part of our everyday life. We pay attention to how fast we drive for fear of a speeding ticket, or set our alarms in the morning because we afraid of being late to work. Some fears keep us safe from harm; others exist to reinforce our insecurities and keep us from pursuing activities that intrigue us. Social interactions can be extremely challenging for many people by bringing up our own feelings of inadequacy, discomfort, and awkwardness.
Don’t let fear keep you from going after something you want. Much like that monster that lived under our beds or in our closets growing up, fear exists is a figment of our imagination. We need to turn on the lights and realize that these fears keeping us from forming relationships and meeting people are really just our own insecurities.
I’m not suggesting you immediately attempt to conquer your fear of socializing by throwing yourself into a big gay circuit party right now, but there are some smaller steps you can do to start addressing your concerns in social situations. It doesn’t matter if a person is standing in front of us or typing online, similar fears exist. Basically, we’re afraid of rejection and people being mean to us.
Don’t let disinterest or a non-response from someone destroy you. Realize that some people online are there to hook up or check out pictures. If someone doesn’t respond to your message or says they’re interested, it is not the end of the world or a reflection on your own self-worth.
Don’t wait for a perfect moment to approach someone or waste time on cheesy pick-up lines. Take a moment to breathe deeply and not let your stress levels get out of control. Regain control of your anxious thoughts and increased heart rate. Think about how courageous you are by facing your fears. Get ready to put on your best game face and enter the situation with confidence. Work on developing skills around small talk and putting out confidence without being cocky. Just be authentic, honest, and nice. In public, be aware of your smile, body language, eye contact, and fresh breath.
You can proceed with caution, but don’t stop trying new things. Getting knocked down is just a part of life. We get back up, learn from the situation, and try again. The worst-case scenario is that they act like a jackass to you by rolling their eyes or turning their back. Those people can piss off and you can move on to finding a great person to hang with. Through practice, these social interactions become easier to start and our techniques to keep them rolling get more refined and effective.
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