A sudden shift to neutral

I was in a car accident. It was a horrible mess. I am still recovering. I look beat up and a little pitiful. Everyone has been kind and thoughtful.

The thing that has struck me – besides the other car – is how much our priorities shift when circumstances force it. When unexpected things arise in our lives, we can either shift or suffer the consequences.

The accident happened right before I was scheduled to go on retreat to work on my book. I had a whole schedule of events leading up to leaving town, plus a detailed agenda for my retreat. Everything changed when I sprained one of my hands in the accident. As a writer, having a sprained hand is a bit challenging.

What came out of this challenge was a gift.

Phone service was sketch, so no Facebook, Twitter or continuous email checking. Because I had three sprained fingers on one hand, typing was out of the question – no proposals, no book, no transcribing interviews. My thumb worked, so I could text and use the TV remote. My plan for my time went completely to hell.

Let’s face it: Even at play, we like to organize ourselves – whether around sports, recreation or a hobby. As non-conventional as the LGBT community appears from the outside, we are some very “organized” individuals up close. We have recreational softball leagues, hockey leagues, rugby leagues, kickball leagues and flag football leagues. We’ve got pool leagues, dart leagues and bowling leagues. We’ve got camping groups, hiking groups, knitting clubs, running clubs, choirs – name a way people organize, and you’re guaranteed gay people have done it.

I understand; I come from the land of doers, the East Coast. We are never sure how to behave if we’re not “doing” something. Remember, this is a place settled by the “idle hands are the Devil’s workshop” Puritans. One must never be idle. When we go on vacation, we don’t go camping, fishing or on any other kind of venture where you don’t do anything for long periods of time. We go on educational vacations to Williamsburg, VA. We travel as a pack from the city to the beach to socialize with our professional peers in an atmosphere that appears relaxed. We have Wi-Fi at our country houses so we can still keep in touch with our office. We turn our hobby of making soap into a side business with an etsy.com page.

I battle all the time with guilt when I just sit around doing nothing. The thing is, I could spend hours watching snow fall and letting my mind wander. I keep note cards and notebooks around me at all times because I come up with some great ideas when I’m not doing anything or really thinking about anything in particular. When I allow myself the time to do nothing, amazing things happen.

I get great ideas when I get my nails painted. I find really cool things for my wedding flipping through magazines. I take a nap and dream about things for my book. Each moment is refreshing and uplifting in its own way. Each is being idle while still accomplishing a lot.

We must give ourselves permission to do nothing. The accident forced me to do nothing. Besides sprains and abrasions preventing me from doing basic things, I just didn’t feel like moving much. So, I gave myself permission to just sit. It felt good. I needed to heal. I needed to laugh and hang out with my mother. I needed to stop so I could shift gears.

I actually got a lot worked out in my head. I am grateful for the time. Now I need to find a way to take that time without getting hit by a car.