SpeakOUT: Don’t take no for an answer

Joe Sandoval

You can never be a police officer.

I heard those words over and over as I was growing up. I was devastated. Since 11, all I wanted to be was a police officer. Who had the right to tell me what I could or could not be?

I wanted to be a cop, but people like me did not become cops. There were too many “not enoughs” – not tall enough, not strong enough and not straight enough. I decided to study psychology my first year in college. That was a waste and I was not happy. If being gay was “just a phase” like the Catholic Church made me believe, I figured I could become a cop anyway, and these feelings would pass. So I decided to try.

I graduated from the police academy at the top of my class and got hired by a police department almost immediately. It didn’t take long before rumors started circulating. If my fellow officers found out, my life would be ruined. So I buried my feelings and conformed to what I thought I should be and what I thought society expected. I started dating several females and built a smokescreen. One officer finally told me, “We all thought you were gay, but now we know you aren’t.” My plan worked.

After a while, I knew I was gay and that this was not a phase. I lived a double-life for seven years, until I was forcefully outed. I had already told my closest coworkers I was gay, but now I felt my career and life were over. Would I have to quit? Would people think less of me? I proved myself as an officer, but would this change everything?

Being a police officer is about as close to being in the military as you can get without actually enlisting. There was no way they were going to accept a gay cop.

But to my surprise, I was fully accepted at my department. Although it was not on my terms, being forced out of the closet was probably the best thing that happened to me. Unfortunately, I did not get a chance to talk to the females I dated before they heard, but they were extremely supportive as well. I was the only gay cop in my department. Were there other gay cops somewhere? It didn’t take long before I met and became friends with other gay cops throughout the metro area.

I realized the only one that was telling me what I could or could not be was me. I let myself believe it was others, but it never was. Being gay should never limit anyone in fulfilling their dreams or desires, nor should it define anyone and their abilities to be successful. I have made mistakes in my life and in my career, but being gay has never been the cause.

I have been in public safety now for over 19 years and am still going strong.

Joe Sandoval is a Colorado native who has been working in law enforcement for more than 19 years, currently working for the state of Colorado. Joe lives with his partner, Landon, their 13-year-old daughter and their two dogs Aiden and Abbi.