‘Things you shouldn’t know’ about out comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer

By Mike Pearson

After 20 years of doing stand up comedy, Suzanne Westenhoefer might rightly call herself a road warrior. Wichita, Kansas City, Boston, Philadelphia – and those are just the cities the agreeable 51-year-old lesbian is visiting in the weeks before her appearance at the Denver Improv April 17-22.

Westenhoefer is a warrior in another way as well: She was an out comic when others were still holding onto the closet doors with both hands and a bungee cord. We caught up with Westenhoefer during a rare layover at her Los Angeles home. As a performer who mines the here and now (“Whatever’s going on in my life,” she says), she had no shortage of thoughts about air travel, gay marriage, growing up in Amish country and her nemesis, social media.

Just don’t ask her her about those glamour shots on her website (Suzannew.com), and whether they were shot first thing in the morning. (“You bitch!” she laughs. Then: “As you get older, it takes longer to be pretty”). But not to be funnier. Like wine, she’s getting better with age.

Tell me about your More Things You Shouldn’t Know Tour. What can Denver audiences expect?
I tend to do a very extemporaneous show; I tend to do very personal stuff. I think that’s why gay and straight audiences are comfortable, because everything I talk about we’ve all been through. I can tell you I might talk about A, B, C and D, but by the time I get there if anything has changed in my life, the show will change. All last year my show was focused on the fact that I caught my partner cheating right after we got married. Now I’m single and in the dating world. First time ever in my life.

You’ve been in the comedy business for 20 years. Does life on the road ever get old?
Yes. I don’t mind the hotels and meeting people. It’s only the flights that are terrible. The flights used to be awesome and then 9/11 happened. I just applied for Easy Pass for American Airlines in Los Angeles. You feel bad because there’s this nothing line with like two people in it. Then there’s a line with 300 people taking off their shoes, and you zip by and they look at you like they want to kill you. I don’t care what security needs to know. I don’t care about my privacy. I’d just rather get on the plane faster.

You were one of the first comics to come out. Now we get, what, one or two celebrities a year?
It seemed like forever we couldn’t get anyone to come out. Now it’s like, ‘My career is stalled. Maybe I’ll let them know I’m gay.’ It’s really up to the individual. Neil Patrick Harris comes out and he’s still playing a womanizer on TV. I think it went very easily for him because he didn’t make a big fuss. He just casually mentioned it in an interview.

In 2009, Meredith Baxter came out as a lesbian. That certainly surprised people.
Meredith and I are very good friends, and apparently, if you read her book, she came out because she came to a show of mine and I said she should come out. She was so far out of the public eye; it’s not like for 30 years we heard about her in connection with drugs and drunkenness. We hear nothing until she writes a book and tells us she discovered she was a lesbian late in life. Let’s be honest, when Martina Navratilova came out – and I worship the ground she walks on – nobody said ‘What? You’ve got to be kidding me!’ With Meredith it was a shock. She’s America’s mom.

What was it like growing up in Columbia, Pennsylvania? That’s Amish country, right?
I had to go, lets just put it that way. I didn’t do well in Amish country. But I’m glad I grew up there. The biggest effect is that I have a bizarre double standard where I appear nearly communist sometimes, but this random conservative thing pops up. Like ‘Don’t smoke on the street.’ People go, ‘Seriously? That bothers you?’ ”

Now that you’re older, what one lesson do you wish you could send back to your 20-year-old self?
Eat better. You know, when you’re in your twenties you eat pizza every night and then you starve yourself until you get back to your original weight. That madness goes away real quick when you get into your forties. That’s such a chick answer, but it’s so real.

What or who makes you laugh?
Most comics. I love comedy. When it’s bad, it’s worse than a karaoke singer. I tend to enjoy it better when it’s smart or dark comedy. I myself have done lots of pieces about cheating and breakups and cancer. There’s nothing better than making people laugh about something you shouldn’t laugh about. Every comedian in the world has done pieces about traffic and air travel. But if you survive a plane crash and you write a joke about it, that will be the winner. Joking about people who can’t defend themselves is cruel. Joking about public figures is fun. They can have you disappeared.

Do you find that men and women have different humor sensibilities?
Oh my God, yes. Guys think The Stooges are funny and women don’t. That’s not always true, but it is a lot. I don’t laugh at a pie-in-the face. That’s limited to me. Yet some people make puns that I think are hysterical.

How long before gay marriage is legal in the entire United States?
It sort of seems inevitable to me. I don’t know why people fight it when it doesn’t have anything to do with their lives. I’m going to live to see it. If people in Iowa don’t have a problem with it, it can’t that far away. IOWA!

What’s your take on Twitter: The salvation of humanity or the beginning of the end?
I’m going to say beginning of the end because it’s so hard. If you don’t tweet for a day people are mad at you. It’s like, ‘My God, I have to update my status on Facebook!’ Some days I’m not thinking about anything specific. Yet you feel that pressure to say something genius or clever or different.

For more info visit http://improv.com/comedyclub/denver/index or http://suzannew.com