Thelma takes on ‘Big Queen Country’

Being in a relationship can sometimes feel like being strapped down to a medieval torture rack – it stretches you. Case in point. Mr. Waste’s life revolves around a lot of politics, and with 2012 being an election year, that means a lot of fundraisers. Attending a political fundraiser is not something I would normally choose to do on a Saturday night. Not when I could be playing Angry Birds on my iPad.

So instead of bombarding the fortresses of egg-stealing pigs, I recently found myself at the home of Sen. Pat Steadman and his partner Dave Misner. They were hosting a party to help openly gay candidate Jesse Ulibarri, running for a state senate seat in District 21. After hearing his speech, I was impressed.

Ulibarri probably gets that from his grandmother, Thelma, who was there supporting her grandson. She’s been making a difference for the better all her life. She and her husband traveled as musicians and in 1957 found themselves in Butte, Montana during the copper mining boom. Playing a cello was not going to pay the bills so Thelma and her husband opened up a bar for the miners. Ocean Bar became the hangout for everyone, including musicians, artists and yes, gays and lesbians. For 10 years, it was Butte’s gay bar.

It was not Thelma’s intent to open a gay bar. It just kind of happened. She and her husband were open-minded and wanted to have a place that was welcoming to everyone. So when a tall cowboy nicknamed “Boots” ambled in the first time Thelma was tending bar, she didn’t bat an eye. When she noticed the cowboy heading into the women’s bathroom, she was thrown for a loop. Turns out the manly cowboy was a local Native American lesbian. Thelma became good friends with Boots and her partner Maria over the years.

Ocean Bar was always closed on Tuesday but open on every major holiday of the year. Since they were musicians, live music was always part of the bar’s atmosphere. Besides playing the cello, Thelma picked up the bongo, the saxophone and the electric bass guitar. When the Duke Ellington Orchestra came through town and was looking for a place that was welcoming to blacks, Thelma and her husband opened up the place for an all night party, entertaining Duke Ellington himself.

Eventually the town’s copper ran out and in 1967, Thelma and her husband sold the bar for a thousand dollars. With no job lined up, they packed up their family and moved to Denver.

Years later, when Jesse came out of the closet to his grandma, it was no surprise she handled it like a pro. After all, she had been drinking and partying with Montana’s gays for more than 10 years. She said, “I love you and I don’t give a damn about your sexuality. You will always be my beloved grandson.”

How lucky I am to have met Thelma. And how lucky Jesse is to have an electric bass playing grandma.

I’ve never been to Butte, Montana. But I have performed in Billings at The Loft, Montana’s only gay bar and casino. It’s a fun place and probably gets a great crowd – unless a snowstorm rolls into town on the night of your show. Darn my luck.

Billings gets a lot of snow. But when the entire city shuts down, you know you have a huge blizzard on your hands. Well, the show must go on and it did. I performed my night of comedy drag to a handful of dedicated Montanans who braved the storm. Bless their hearts.

This was not my first time in Billings, however. Billings held a gay rodeo in 1996. I was there competing in the arena and won a buckle in Steer Decorating along with my rodeo partner, Marcia Hoy. We are some of the few cowpokes that can proudly wear a buckle on our belts from Montana’s one and only gay rodeo. They never had another. Not for the lacks of gays and lesbians, that’s for sure.

Montana’s slogan is “Big Sky Country” but “Big Queen Country” is much more fitting.