Heinzesight: Top 5 mistakes that miss the social-skills mark

Many of us struggle with feeling uncomfortable when interacting with people n particular situations. Social anxiety and awkwardness is a common experience, but many try to cover, reduce, or avoid these feelings by doing things that hurt them more in the long run. Those who want to improve their ability to connect with great people should work on steering clear of these common mistakes. They can make people feel less anxious at times, but they also have the potential to keep people trapped in old ways of thinking and insecure attitudes about themselves.

Anonymous sexual encounters
There is nothing philosophically wrong with heading to a bathhouse, sex club, bookstore, or mysterious situation to get your rocks off. Just make sure your activities don’t put you in emotional or physical danger. The main problem is that some people in these situations lack the social engagement skills to support making friends or developing emotional connections. The social rules of many of these types of environments generally looks down on those who want to chat or get to know someone personally. This also impacts some people’s decision to discuss their sexual interests, enjoyment of the situation, or things like HIV status and boundaries. When these encounters lack a deeper intimacy than simply blowing a load, it runs the risk of reinforcing that getting to know someone is not only uncomfortable, but not desired or welcomed.

Getting trashed
Using alcohol or drugs to grease social wheels is a time-honored tradition, but many use this as their primary crutch instead of challenging themselves to develop other ways to calm themselves down when freaking out. Many times, these substances decrease our chances of meeting a great person if our intoxication gets out of control or has us only connecting only with those who rely on these same techniques.

Isolation
Shying away from people and situations that make us feel self-conscious or bad about ourselves is a normal reaction. Having lower confidence in feeling comfortable and confident in socially-engaging situations keeps people from taking chances either in person or online. The unfortunate outcome is that we hide in the shadows and wish we were more of an active part of the party.

Online relationships
It’s fantastic to use technology to become introduced to people or remain in contact with them when face-to-face communication isn’t possible. Many people develop connections with individuals that initiate, develop, progress, succeed, fail, or get messy while existing in a purely electronic environment. There are many amazing relationships that get stuck online while others are simply destined to die in the cold vacuum of cyberspace. It also doesn’t help people develop social skills when interacting in the real world.

Becoming bitter
Using anger to justify a bad attitude, aggressive behaviors, or running away from potentially positive situations and people is one of the most concerning outcomes of not having confidence in personal social skills. These feelings permeate multiple parts of our lives and eventually become a normal part of how we interact with the world around us. It makes others want to run and hide behind a tree when we approach them. A frown or scowl will definitely keep you lonely or make you attractive to those who share your gloomy outlook. Neither are favorable options to improve your quality of life.