When did being sexually interested become a bad thing?

Although the United States is not known for being as sexually liberated as other countries, many of us are fortunate enough to enjoy an exciting and fulfilling sex life. It surprises me that so many people either have a lack of personal pride and engagement about their own sexuality, or negative things to say about the ways people mess around and the frequency with which they like to engage in frisky behaviors. Last time I checked, being intimate with someone can be extremely fulfilling and getting off feels absolutely amazing.

Words like “promiscuous” and “slutty” are used frequently by others in an attempt to put people in their place by assigning judgment about their sexual activities. Strangely enough, these terms are generally being used to describe someone who will probably never get naked with the perpetrator of sexual hate speech. Additionally, I’m curious about the number of people someone would have to bang to adequately become a “skanky man-whore,” and if it’s a monthly or annual evaluation period.

I’ve heard the phrase, “A slut is anyone who has more sex than you.” Sometimes this bitter attitude comes from a place of anger or frustration where they may be jealous of the fact that someone is having naked opportunities that they are not. These judgements are usually expressed by people on the outside of any situation as a method to put their own values on someone else. It’s common to become bitter with other people who have more than us, regardless of whether it’s a relationship, money, friends, or a fantastic sex life.

Some feel that being sexually active with multiple people should be reserved for those outside a committed relationship. Screwing around with anyone except your primary partner is an admission that you aren’t ready for a “real” relationship and should choose to remain single, or that there’s something lacking that needs to be gained outside of the relationship.

A great fallacy exists when people who pursue their sexual interests are considered selfish or non-committal. Someone who decides they are going to train for the AIDS Lifecycle or wants to take time out of their life to backpack across Europe isn’t considered morally wrong, so why is it frowned upon when someone wants to take time out of their life to roll around naked with someone? As long as everyone involved is cool with the activities, the opinions of other people really don’t matter.

Healthy relationships are formed with a set of expectations that identify acceptable behaviors. Fortunately, choosing to pursue an open relationship is not necessarily because our partners don’t satisfy our physical, sexual, or emotional needs. It’s absolutely reasonable to feel that one person may not be everything we need to find happiness in our lives. Although having a “sexual support system” is not desirable for everyone, those who gain excitement, enjoyment, and fulfillment from these types of intimate exchanges continue to have their lives enriched by pursuing their desires. Some couples play together, separately, or not at all. Each relationship has its own combination of activities that focus on the romance, interests, companionship, and connection that you share with each other, not just who you have sex with. The reality is that relationships succeed and fail regardless of monogamy or openness.

We all express our sexuality in different ways and there should be no shame in pursuing the life we want. Be careful about speaking your own truth and not putting your values on others or allowing those who judge us to affect us negatively. Thankfully, we exist in an environment where we can freely enjoy a variety of sexual activities and positions while having the freedom of how, when, and with whom it can happen. Don’t let opponents of your sexual health and happiness stop you from enjoying your life.