Subtle Ways to Spice Up Your Profile

Brent Heinze

I have many friends that seem to have great luck with being online and using phone apps for meeting people while others really struggle to gain any success. Although there are times where it seems less likely to find people for coffee, messing around, or a date, these technological ways of connecting with others have been beneficial for many in our community. It’s strange that different people can use the same tool or play the same game with completely different results.

A novice picking up a tennis racket looks completely different from Andy Roddick and very few people instinctively know how to build a house when given some lumber, a hammer, and a pile of nails. Most times, success in anything comes down to having a knowledgeable teacher, opportunities to practice, and the patience to try (and fail) multiple times before the sweet taste of success. Unfortunately, many of us give up before that elation can happen.

It’s extremely important to figure out what you’re hoping to gain from these cyber encounters since that will drive how you go about getting it. There is nothing wrong with looking for connection with others for a variety of activities including dates, sex, activity partners, social groups, or finding a husband. There are similar techniques to entice people to become generally interested, but there are absolutely subtleties that can increase your chances for success.

Consider the differences in a presentation if you’re hoping to identify a few nice guys that would be fun to get to know or if you’re looking for a ripped muscle stud who wants to pound. Your profile and selected pictures will hopefully support your desired outcome, but there is much more introspection that needs to be completed before constructing your awesome sales pitch to be presented to the online gay world. As with any marketing campaign, think about your target audience and how best to make them notice what you’re selling.

First, take the time to understand what you want, the qualities you bring to the table, and things you find desirable in others. If you don’t know what strengths and interests you possess — or what you like in other people — you’ll be aimlessly wandering through the gay social desert for years searching for the lost oasis. This introspection may be difficult for some, but it will benefit you in the long run. Be careful about creating a laundry list of what you require from someone else or writing your life story in the profile. Offer enough information to let someone know some important things about you and what you’re ultimately searching for. Using humor or wit can also be a great addition.

Second, be consistent with your messaging. Posting pictures of your junk with a profile that discusses wanting to gain friends and being frustrated with having “empty sexual encounters” sends a mixed message. Show who you are, highlighting things about yourself that you appreciate while keeping your goals in mind. This might include posting pictures of you and your Jeep in the mountains or lounging in a park with your puppy. Some love to show off great body parts or a sexy tuft of chest hair. Although many complain about people only being interested in physical appearance, it’s what makes someone notice us first. Think about what will entice the people you want.

Third, be authentic. You don’t have to work on creating an online persona. Your profile should be an honest expression of who and how you are. Don’t embellish things like a resume to a prospective employer. It’s important to feel confident to express your interests, geekiness, and hopes for the future. We want people to be attracted to our real personality and find us interesting. If you’re not happy with who you are, spend some time and energy improving yourself instead of creating a persona that is inauthentic.