Saving Face
ALTHOUGH THERE IS NOW A clear path to marriage in every state, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be flooded with wedding invites — straight people have been masterfully avoiding that track for decades. But the happy unions that you do attend will no doubt be emotional.
Kelsey Lindsey
Just think about this deadly tear- inducing equation that sums up the wedding-going experience:
Gays have finally obtained a basic right denied to them for decades + two human people have both found their soul mates in this crazy world and are dedicating literally THE REST OF THEIR LIVES to him or her + love, and maybe a strong scent of flowers that you may or may not be allergic to is in the air = a sh*tstorm of happy tears, free flowing and intermixing with your snot to form a salty lagoon of human bodily fluids on your face.
Now if that didn’t snap you out of your SCOTUS-loving happy glow, I don’t know what will. Thankfully, there are some tips and tricks out there to help you literally save face after you witness this newly formed union.
Now you’ll probably have a short amount of time to recover from the ceremony pre-reception, so find yourself a bathroom or some ice cubes stat. Press a cold paper towel or ice cube under your eyes, starting at the outer corners and moving on outward. This will help reduce the swelling by draining the fluid out from under your eyes. If you are prone to waterworks, come prepared with an eye de-puffer that contains caffeine to help draw out water from the skin.
Another pre-ceremony precaution: waterproof mascara and eyeliner. If you didn’t come prepared and now look like any emotional girl on any reality TV show, raccoon eyes and all, try to scrounge up some cotton swabs and dap at the mascara streaks. Avoid wiping the spots with a tissue, as this will tend to spread the makeup and cause an even bigger mess.
For red eyes, use an over-the- counter drop, preferably with a redness-reducing formula. Blue eyeliner on the lower eyelid will also counteract the redness and help you look more awake.
Finally, that Rudolph nose. Concealer is the easiest solution for that blotchy skin, preferably a liquid solution that helps you spot treat the redness around the eyes and nose. Avoid powder, as adding an extra layer may make you look cakey.
Now saddle up, grab some champagne, and toast to this historic union (and maybe the notorious RBG while the glasses are still raised).
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