Stuff Gay People Like: Theater

Acting is a matter of survival for gay teenagers. Since the first time he closed his eyes and silently chanted pretend she’s a boy pretend she’s a boy pretend she’s a boy when he kissed his first girlfriend by the dumpsters during lunch hour, he had the bug.

Right away he was passing the news to his guy friends in the form of a song from West Side Story; “I’m in love with a girl named Maaaarriiiiaaaaaaaaa,” he bellowed from the sidelines at soccer practice.

OK, maybe the pseudo-relationship didn’t send the message he was hoping to push, and since the social message was the only reason he was dating a girl in the first place, it didn’t last. But he’ll give his middle-American family a try with a different kind of performance:

“Girls these days just want to have sex” he tells his mother at dinner when she asks if he likes anyone at school. “But I’ve been thinking about the Bible a lot, so I’ll have to stay single because I just don’t want to be pressured to do it before marriage.”

His parents are both perplexed; his mother beams with pride at the devoutness of her son but shakes her head in surprise and disappointment at the social decay of young women. Meanwhile his non-religious father suspiciously stares at this 14-year-old alien creature, now twirling his ear-length hair around his index finger at the kitchen table.

(Yes, I borrowed that scene from my own childhood).

His parents no longer bug him about why he’s single. Yet, for a boy who’s intimidated by girls, he sure is friends with a lot of them, they notice. Then, when his parents ask why he’s always at school until 7 p.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays, he cracks; “It’s time for you to know; mom and dad, I’m a thespian.”

Actually, gay men probably don’t have any more innate theatrical ability or inclination than straight men do. But it’s true that they’re more likely to explore the acting talents they have. To start, a lot of straight guys avoid acting because they think of it as a feminine profession.  But for gay men it’s actually not so much the job as the community that reels them in.

You see, a university’s theater clique is pretty much an orgy of predominantly privileged white kids re-defining life’s commonplace annoyances as deep, unique crises that serve as “artistic motivation.”

Now I know how the Native Americans felt, they’ll say to themselves after a dispute with the landlord over a damage deposit, then tearfully return to those emotions – “oppression, violation and loss” – during an acting workshop. Having gay friends, who embody one of the most tumultuous social issues of the day, appeals to these types because a gay person’s life is by its very nature a dramatically-newsworthy story; it’s timely, edgy, conflicted and controversial. For straight actors, playing gay roles is unequivocally groundbreaking and progressive, and it doesn’t hurt to have gay friends, either.

Gay people see that they’re accepted in theater, and join the group.

Once there are a few gay people in any scene, word spreads as a silent call to all the others, whispering, “weeeee arreeee ovverrrr heeeeeerrree.” The opportunity for community, sex and dating are irresistible. Before you know it, the entire field earns a reputation as one of the biggest “gay professions” there is.

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