9 Signs “Bae” Might Be Cheating

By Berlin Sylvestre & Staff Cynics | Photo courtesy of Eastsiders

Where once your sweetheart made you the center of the universe, you’re now fighting for one full evening of quality couples’ time. So what gives? Using (sadly) our experience, we’ve put together a quick-and-dirty guide to some red flags that could mean the ultimate betrayal is happening right under your nose…and you’re in denial about it.

Keep in mind: No list is definitive, and these are meant to be singled out…but if at least five of these ring a bell, child, you need to address that mess in short order. Cheaters, beware: We’re calling you out!

HE GUARDS THE PHONE LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS

It wasn’t until you couldn’t find your phone and reached for his that you noticed: He’s changed his password. Then it dawned on you: Since when does he get up in the middle of the night to take a call in the other room, or keep his phone guarded under his pillow while he sleeps? It’s almost like he’s hiding something. Hmm. It’s even more obvious when …

SHE’S GOT A SUDDEN FLURRY OF TEXT ACTIVITY THAT SHE CAN’T TEAR AWAY FROM

Speaking of playing keep-away with the phone, she’s on it all the time lately! At the slightest chirp, she’s frantically fishing it out of her bag and drops any interest in anything other than the person who keeps friggin’ texting. Earth to bae, remember us?

HE GOES OFF THE RADAR AND RETURNS WITH LAME EXPLANATIONS

Remember being stoked for the weekend hike/picnic combo? How about that glorious feeling of seeing him after a rough day and falling into his everlovin’ arms? Too bad those are relics of the past now that…“things” keep coming up. Things? Things. Things so bad that he can’t even call, text, or answer his phone for days on end. Some kinda love, eh?

HE’S MIXING YOU UP WITH SOMEONE ELSE A LOT LATELY

That wisecrack he made about that scene in “Taken 3” didn’t go over well when he realized, at the same time you did, that he saw it with someone else. Ditto when he asked the name of that cake you ordered at Sam’s No. 3 yesterday. (Hint: You’ve been low-card for the last six-months.) When you call him out, he tries to make light of it and wants you to drop it. “It’s nothing,” he says … but you know better in your heart.

SHE’S SUDDENLY FULL OF CUTE STORIES ABOUT HER OTHER “FRIEND”

She’s not really the bubbly sort, but damned if she doesn’t perk up every ten minutes when something reminds her of that “hilarious” new friend she’s been hanging out with. Hell, you practically feel like the new girl is your friend, too, with as much 411 as you’ve got on where she grew up, what foods she hates, her impossible hip-to-waist ratio, and yada yada yada.

HE’S WORRIED ABOUT HIS LOOKS MORE THAN USUAL

Normally, he’s a logo tee and jeans kinda guy, but now? Now he’s all about rocking some carefully- ironed pants and making sure his cuffs match when he rolls them up. It’s almost like he’s trying to impress someone. His hair isn’t that adorable mop you love to tussle anymore after that slick style-up from Henry’s. And another new cologne?! Carb-counting?! You’d ask to join in the personal makeover if he didn’t seem so disinterested in you.

SHE MAKES EXCUSES TO AVOID INTIMACY

You were compassionate when the headache stretched into week two. You didn’t balk too much when she started hiding her nakedness from you. But when you go to touch her—even if it’s as simple as stroking her hair—she pulls away from you. And it’s not just physical intimacy she avoids. Any attempt at getting on her wavelength, from helping her work through a family issue to making her some of what used to be her favorite sleepy tea, is met with an unspoken “please just stop.” She’s just not there.

SHE PICKS FIGHTS WITH YOU AND HAULS ASS

One minute, she’s happily peeling carrots with the phone cradled on her shoulder and gabbing with a friend. Enter you, who just wants to hang out and help. After a terse “let me call you back,” she’s barking up your tree for getting in the way of her life. (What?) Every negative facet from the beginning of your relationship til now gets thrown out and the next thing you know, she’s grabbing her jacket and heading toward the new bestie’s house. Any excuse will do, right?

HE THINKS YOU “DESERVE BETTER”

What’s with all the trash-talking himself? He’s oddly insistent that you’re with the wrong guy here lately. Why would you “deserve” better? Is he wronging you? No, really. Think about it: When you tell other people that they deserve better, isn’t it when they’re being treated poorly? So why is he’s telling you that you deserve better than him? It’s because you probably do, baby.