How “New” Are You, Really?

IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN. EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK: NEW YEAR, NEW YOU!

(I’m sorry, but I’m calling bullshit on this one.)

It may be a new year. However, it’s still you; the same you you’ve been every year since the beginning of you. You don’t need to be new — you’re just fine. Let’s begin this year with the knowledge that it’s about the being the best you possible, instead of being a different you entirely.

Now, I don’t want you to think I’m saying you shouldn’t strive for losing that weight, running that marathon, creating that regular yoga practice, flossing daily, whatever. What I’m saying is, it’s still you doing it. There’s nothing wrong with continually striving to be the best you that you can be. Just understand that in this process, you can’t leave behind who you’ve been.

Every year we write these resolutions, resolving to be different. We’re going to lose weight, get in shape, become more spiritual, be a better wife, husband, mother, father, daughter, son. In other words, 
we’re going to be a “better person.”
Self-help book sales soar during this 
time of year, and the diet and fitness industries plan their whole year’s budget
 around all of those resolutions. People 
are turning over a new leaf, starting
 their journey, doing everything they
 can think of to be better.

In this first-of-the-year frenzy, 
 we forget that there are some pretty
 good parts already there — you don’t 
need to change everything! We’re also 
forgetting that we are not, nor have we
 ever been, a morning person. So as soon as we decide this is the year we really will get up at dawn to workout, do yoga, meditate, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.

There will be any number of reasons why we can’t seem to get up — sickness, insomnia, hangover, “don’t feel like it.” Whatever the reasons, we do manage to get up one morning each week. That sounds pretty good until you realize that means only four out of 31 days, we got up. That’s not even 13 percent of the time. That’s dismal, or so we tell ourselves. How are we ever going to be better? We hear it takes 21 days to create a habit. Clearly four out of 31 days aren’t going to cut it.

I looked into it. That was the opinion of one guy, back in the ’50s, in an opinion paper he published on his observations. First of all he said a minimum of 21 days, so it could take more. Second, more recently, an actual 12-week study was done in London and they figured out it takes an average of 66 days to create a habit. Two months?! It can take anywhere from 18 days to 254 days to form a new habit. That puts a new spin on your four days doesn’t it?

I say well done you, you’ve got a good start going. While most people don’t see it that way, to them 13 percent sounds terrible. Four out of 31 days sounds like nothing. I say it is four more days than last month. Give yourself a break. Consider this: What if you said four days a month you’ll get up early for yoga, four days a month you’ll workout at lunchtime, and four days a month you’ll take a walk after dinner? That sounds doable. Looking at it another way, you’re actually doing something three days a week or 12 out of 30/31 days out of the month, 38% of the time. That’s more than a third of your days spent being a better you.

We tend to take an all-or-nothing approach to this self-improvement thing. We spend all of our time judging ourselves for what we didn’t accomplish and none of our time celebrating what we did. If we were trying to encourage someone else, we would spend all of our time looking at the bright side of what they had accomplished. Now that we realize it could take almost eight months for some habits to become second nature, we can give ourselves a break for not getting it right away.

Be kind to yourself. Set those goals. Allow for as much time as you need. If they are something important to you, you’ll figure it out. In the meantime, stop trying to be a new you. Just wake up each day with the intention of being the best you that you can be, get those stretches done at lunchtime, floss after dinner and celebrate your 13 percent.