Knock Off The “Fake” Image

When you take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror, there are a variety of people that can look back at you. It may be someone with confidence and a true love for their life or it could be a person who’s unhappy with what’s going on inside them or their physical appearance. Many of us are not thrilled with aspects of our lives, but instead of working to address these issues, we expend an exorbitant amount of energy building up an image of confidence in our attempts to deal with these personal discomforts and perceived deficiencies. Unfortunately, this “new-and-improved” creation does little to actually address the issues at hand.

As we become more reliant on these types of crutches to support our efforts to get out of bed, attack life, get laid, or pursue our dreams, the image has the potential to overtake our true personality and be a necessary part of how we interact with the world. One of the most destructive parts of this process is that we do not take the time to heal the parts of ourselves that have led us to create this fake image. It continues to churn inside of us and bubbles to the surface at some of the most inopportune times. Overrun with feelings of insecurity, self-loathing, and doubt, we may make the choice to do everything we can to push those feelings back down because they hurt. This discomfort and fear that these feelings will return reinforces the importance of relying on your created image.

Throughout our lives, we are taught that hiding our feelings is a positive skill to learn. We can’t always cry when we’re hurt, curse someone out when they deserve it, talk about feelings of invalidation at work, or admit to people around us that we are feeling weak or worthless. It’s important to put on a brave face and get on with your day. Although this is true at times, it
also can be expanded to an extremely unhealthy place. When 
the importance of feeding a fake 
image overtakes the importance
 of working through personal 
issues, we become liars and
 continue showing a person to
 the world that isn’t real.

Be careful about creating
 what I call “fabricated strengths.”
 These happen when we work to
generate an image that makes
us look tougher than we really
are. It may come in the form of big muscles, material possessions, or a seemingly impenetrable emotional exterior. For some, it’s preferable to look good than to actually be good. Logically, it is more important to have a strong shield than one that simply looks pretty, but is actually made out of cardboard. Unfortunately, some people have these types of flimsy images that are untrue, but appear amazing. These have the potential to disintegrate when exposed to particular elements in our environment. Many people get insanely defensive when things are perceived to have a potential to destroy what they’ve put so much effort into creating. It threatens our security and is generally met with an equally intense emotional response, which can include blinding rage or becoming a sobbing mess.

It’s understandable why people work to develop these quicker fixes to out insecurities. In the past, we may have been made to feel hurt, scared, or powerless. Beyond obviously not liking to feel badly about ourselves, we also may not have had opportunities or mentors to support us in developing healthier ways of combating the perceptions of our weaknesses. These feelings are quite real and have the potential to do much more than just hurt our feelings. They can permeate most aspects of our lives including finding your passions, building close relationships, and propelling us to reach our potential. Although in many ways it’s harder to heal those bruised parts of our selves, in the long run it provides us the opportunity to become strong from the inside-out instead of creating the illusion of power.