What turns you on?

In a gay world — full of perversity and diversity — our tastes and turn-ons are just as complex and varying as they are for any other group of people. In our exhaustive search to find those who make our heart, brain, crotch, and soul simultaneously jump up and down in excitement, we are challenged with finding that complicated combination of intellectual, emotional, social, physical, spiritual and sexual compatibilities. It can also come down to shared interests and life experiences, views toward family, and the ways you each enjoy throwing around your hard-earned cash.

All of these assorted combinations that excite us are different for each of us and different at different points in our lives. Most of us value certain qualities over others in our relationships —for some, a rockin’ body is much more important that knowledge about world affairs. For others, financial ability and interest in traveling to faraway exotic lands is more important than introspection about the nature of the universe or what happens in the afterlife. Identifying those types of priorities can be a frustrating and important process.

Hopefully all of us can list a “top 20 things” of sorts that we look for in others. It doesn’t matter if there are some superficial qualities paired with some deeper heartfelt ones. Try to keep everything in
balance, right?

Out of this exhaustive list of things we want, it is important to identify those things that we may absolutely require and those that would be awesome but aren’t absolutely mandatory. Our needs and wants can also vary with the way we envision another person fitting into our lives.

Many times, we can’t necessarily pinpoint all of the reasons why someone is fascinating or eye-catching to us. It may be a combination of things we consciously like, paired with some subconscious impressions that remind us of someone awesome we knew years ago. It could also include elusive internal drives we can’t explain or deny. This attraction to someone may or may not make complete sense to us, but it isn’t critical that we find absolute reasons for something — there are times when, if it feels good, we just grab on and enjoy the ride.

Realize that images we create in our minds about the perfect person or situation do not always translate well into the real world. If our desires are rigid, we may risk losing the opportunities to welcome some fantastic individuals to come into our lives. There are times when people may not match the image of the perfect partner or date that exists in our minds, but they still are able to be engaging, exciting, interesting, and a blast to be around. Be careful about passing up amazing people. They may not fit our envisioned “perfect” mate, but they can still be wonderful. People have the ability to surprise us sometimes.

There is no such thing as perfection within anyone, but there are great people out there. We may benefit by taking the opportunity to find a balance between what we think we know about what turns us on and allowing ourselves to enjoy people for whatever they have to offer. We can simply enjoy these exchanges instead of sitting there with our checklist marking off their qualities to see if they meet minimal expectations. Also, don’t forget that it’s not always just about getting off or finding a husband. Enjoying friendships can be fantastic as well.