Mom’s advice for hooking up

I’m a “stereotypical gay guy” in a few ways, including that I love my mother very much and trust her wisdom on many topics. But most of our mothers didn’t teach us the rules, regulations, expectations and methods regarding hooking up. Hopefully we were raised with a strong sense of right and wrong — so why does it seem at times that gay men take all those fantastic life lessons, stomp them into the ground, piss on them and walk away?

Unfortunately, many in our technology-rich culture forget the importance of kindness, respect, and integrity — they’re the people who don’t follow through with plans, treat us badly and waste our time.

Take a few minutes and think about what your Mamma would tell you about the importance of being a good person when cruising. I don’t care if your intention is to find partners for a walk around the park, dinner date, or an intense sweaty romp where you end up covered in spunk: it all comes from the same principles.

Always say please and thank you. This could include “Please show me your dick” and “Thank you for taking it easy on my ass.” You can also ask the person to please give an appropriate advance warning if he is going to cancel a date due to unforeseen circumstances (not because he’s found someone he considers better-looking, more hung or who can offer that special out-of-town-random-sexexperience). You may also want to thank him for looking like his online picture, being a great conversationalist or making your eyes roll back in your head.

When you’re wrong, say you’re sorry and mean it. None of us enjoy being wrong, but we all sometimes mess up or hurt someone’s feelings. It can be difficult to swallow pride and apologize, but accepting accountability is a sign of maturity.

Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you have to. It doesn’t matter if your perception is that everyone online sets up eight dates for the same time and will cancel whenever a better one becomes available. Grow a set and be an honorable person. Many times the people who complain about how lame the gay world can be are the same ones playing games, cancelling plans or disappearing after a really good chat. Be true to who you are and not to whatever game you think you should be playing.

If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. I know it’s easier to say than to do, but remember that being a gossip queen makes you seem like a negative, grumpy person who will most likely talk a bunch of crap about your friends behind their backs.

Don’t cry over spilled milk. When something crappy happens to us, it’s important to learn from the experience, move on, and try not to fall into the same pitfall again. Unfortunately, tragic situations and people happen to all of us, and life needs to go on. Getting caught up in the past only keeps us from living for
today and setting up an amazing future.