Meredith Baxter gives Denver the treatment

By Berlin Sylvestre

You’ve got to scroll a good bit to get to the bottom of Meredith Baxter’s IMDb page, but she’s probably best remembered as Elyse Keaton from the beloved ’80s sitcom Family Ties. After a series of marriages gone awry, the Emmy winner penned a book that touched on her abusive relationships, a life in hiding and, most notably, her alcoholism. Sober for 23 years, she’ll be at the Arapahoe House Sept. 20, as the keynote speaker at their annual nonprofit luncheon. Ms. Baxter came out in 2009 on The Today Show after discovering a tabloid was going to run a “sleazy” out piece centered around her time on a lesbian cruise.

Without the tip off, do you think it would’ve taken you too much longer to come out … or would you have come out at all?

Without knowing the tabloids were at work, I was trying to figure out how to come out while we were still on the cruise. I was imagining a little article … sort of like a birth announcement: “I’m gay!” I didn’t know how people did it and I’ve always tried to take the route garnering the least attention. I know — anti-intuitive for an actor. A big splash was not my plan. It was cringe-worthy and horrible doing it on the show and in People magazine, but at the same time, bold, magnificent and freeing. I don’t ever have to do that again.

Has there been an impact since you kicked down the closet door?

I was only closeted to my work community in the industry. As a public speaker, I’d been out for some time and certainly to all my friends and family. Frankly, I believe I suffer more from ageism in the industry than from any kind of homophobia. It seems Hollywood thinks it’s bad for women to age; it’s certainly a bad career decision!

What do you mean by that?

There are very few parts for women my age out there. I looked at a breakdown of one network’s shows, photos of all the casts from an entire network … two women my age. Two! And there are maybe five women my age acting prominently in film. All those women and the ones from TV are vying for the same few roles everywhere, so opportunities are much slimmer. When the writers and producers decide to change that, that’s when it will change.

Did you have any fear at all about what it might do for your life personally and professionally?

Here’s the best part of getting older: I don’t care. I had all the normal concerns … didn’t want to be the subject of gossip, didn’t want to hear anyone wondering what took me so long … but ultimately, don’t care.

You have five children. Did they know or was it a shock to them?

They all knew … and they’re hard to shock, anyway.

Michael J. Fox described your drinking as having a sadness underneath it. He referred to the drinking as a symptom of your problem. Is that accurate?

I thought that was an astute observation. Yes, I was a profoundly sad person.

I drank because I’d made desperate choices in my life, clinging to damaging relationships in hopes that they’d make me feel OK. I knew nothing about myself except that my feelings were unbearable. I blamed my mother, my stepfather, my husband, everyone but myself.

How many years did this go on and how bad was it?

I started drinking seriously in 1976 and got sober in 1990. ‘Bad’ is relative. I hated my life; every day, I had to decide whether I could get through it.

And you decided enough was enough when …?

A producer/friend approached me, told me she thought I had a problem and suggested I get help. I only went to get her off my back, make people stop talking about me since I’d begun drinking at work. I never thought I had a problem, but I started going to 12 step meetings.
Is it a daily struggle still or do you ever get used to it?

I actually stopped drinking right away in an attempt to be ‘part of’ the group. I was so lonely. I was willing to stay just to be around people. For me, the urge to drink passed within a few months … but the disease isn’t about drinking, really; it’s about our thinking. My recovery comes in paying attention to how I’m thinking, what I’m telling myself, what I’m making up to keep me from the truth. That’s the disease as I see it for me.

So how about now? What’s your life like?

My life is pretty fabulous today. I’m not saying I have everything I want. I’m not sure what else I’d want but there’s gotta be something, yes? But I want everything I have and that’s a relief.

Are you still in a relationship?

Nancy and I are in our eighth year and we’re very good together. We keep each other honest. She’s a sober girl and it’s important for me that we share that.