Body Dysmorphia is a Queer Epidemic: Is Nude Coaching the Cure?

Since I was young, I have been told I have a beautiful body. I have the kind of body that people aspire to and spend countless hours in the gym trying to achieve. Ironically, I am half-Asian, so my body type is almost entirely genetic and looks like this even though I barely ever go to the gym. This has created a strange disconnect within me, especially as I’ve gotten older and my body has started to change. Now that I am in my 40s, I am determined to acknowledge the beauty of this body openly, because as a queer person, I have spent so many years tearing it down.

Sometimes I look in the mirror full of gratitude and peace in the privilege that my body affords me. Other times, I can’t look in the mirror at all without mentally ripping myself to pieces, if I can even look in the mirror at all. I know I am not alone in this tug of war with my appearance. I am Asian and queer, and thus my genetic inheritance is a fast metabolism, and my social inheritance is a suitcase full of body image issues verging on body dysmorphia.

To gain some perspective, I sought guidance from a nude life coach, Scott Mclothlen, founder of Beyond Bare Coaching. He shares with me that, “Body image issues refer to dissatisfaction, negative thoughts, or insecurities about one’s appearance, which can vary in severity. This could manifest as feeling overweight, feeling too thin, or being dissatisfied with specific body parts.

“Body dysmorphia is a mental health condition in which a person has an obsessive focus on a perceived flaw or defect in their appearance which is either minor or not noticeable to others. This fixation can cause significant distress and impair daily functioning.”

Myself, and many of my LGBTQ+  friends are somewhere in the middle of these two definitions.

A Queer Epidemic

As queer people, we are taught from a very young age that we were made wrong. Society rejects us, and even before we fully understand what that means, we form opinions of ourselves based on this large-scale rejection. We then project those insecurities onto others in judgment. Thus body image issues and body dysmorphia run rampant in our community. My hope is that by discussing this openly, we can use this shared experience as a means to come together in our insecurity and vulnerability and begin to unlearn some of the lies we have been fed.

Recently, I decided to be more proactive about my journey to tackle my body image issues and enlisted Scott’s help. We met at yoga and interacted several times before I found out that he offers nude body coaching on top of standard life coaching work. I was immediately intrigued because nudity is one of the places where I feel uncomfortable and ashamed. Especially as queer people, we have unrealistic body standards created by the media we consume and perpetrated by all the other unhealed queer people out there just trying to look in the mirror and love what they see. When asked about that phenomenon, Scott says this:

“For those of us attracted to our same gender, we build ideas of what we find sexually/romantically attractive, and then we are prone to comparing that to the person we see in the mirror. That can be a real mindfuck that straight people don’t usually experience.”

There is also the sexual aspect to consider. Since we don’t receive validation from the general populace, it is built into our minds that we need to excel in other ways. For queer people, this often means trying to become as sexually appealing as possible to quiet the voices in our minds and achieve the validation we don’t receive from our parents. This can lead to acting out in hypersexualized ways.

“I love sex positivity,” Scott says, “But spending a lot of time in hypersexual spaces can take a toll. Our sense of community and belonging can gradually get tied to appearance and desirability. And then our physical traits start to feel like the center of our identity. That’s one reason I find non-sexual nudity so healing. It helps break that pattern and brings some balance to how we see our bodies.”

During our first session (which was clothed), we discussed the idea of “body neutrality,” and I immediately saw the value in his services. Body neutrality refers to a way of thinking about your body that is neither negative nor positive. Generally, when we think of our body, we either praise it or criticize it. A body-neutral position would be to acknowledge your body as a tool and make no judgements for or against it. Covering that topic during our first session gave me a better understanding of my goal.

I am not someone who has ever been comfortable with full nudity. That may surprise some people, since there are a lot of 90% nude photos of me on the internet. So doing something like nude coaching is absolutely outside my comfort zone. Through trust in Scott and an understanding of my personal goals, I was able to go fully nude for the second and third sessions. I can already see changes in my attitude towards nudity and negative self-talk, but those are part of an entirely different article. Suffice it to say that I have only had three sessions, and I am really enjoying the exploration of my own mind. Unlearning my old biases has been really gratifying, and I know I am making progress.

I want to share that progress with you. So, I asked Scott to put together a short list of tips to help other queer people out there start to navigate the quagmire of their own body-image issues. Here is what he says:

“Improving body image isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about small, intentional shifts over time. Here are a few practical steps people can start with:”

Tips for Body Dysmorphia and Body Image

Tip 1: Take Inventory of Your Body Thoughts
Our thoughts about our bodies can become so automatic that we barely notice them. A first step is simply taking inventory: When you catch a body-related thought, pause and jot it down in a journal or phone note. This builds awareness and slows down the thought spiral. (If you know these thoughts are extremely upsetting, it may be best to try this exercise with the support of a therapist or coach.)

Tip 2: Gently Challenge Your Body Thoughts
Once you’ve built some awareness, try gently reframing those thoughts into something more neutral or positive. One trick is to imagine what you’d say to a close friend who was struggling with the same self-talk.

Tip 3: Adjust Your Social Media Feed
Social media is designed to make us thirsty. And for people attracted to the same gender, that can hit especially hard. Start unfollowing accounts that trigger comparison. You can replace them with accounts featuring diverse bodies, non-appearance-based content, or simply posts that make you feel good internally.

Tip 4: Explore Body Neutrality
Body positivity is wonderful, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle. Body neutrality offers another way to relate to your body. It emphasizes respect and acceptance over constant positivity. Take some time to learn about this idea and reflect on what practicing it might look like for you.

No matter where you are on your journey to self-acceptance and actualization, it is never too late to make some progress. At 42 years old, I am finally learning how to combat negative self-talk and truly appreciate my body while it lasts. I invite you to go on that journey with me and will be posting about this experience again. Until then, please be kind to yourself and your body. It is the most powerful tool you will ever own.

Artwork by Gary Adrian Randall